the basement times vol. 2

2005-11-22T11:44:00.000-05:00

I'm here to announce that my blog has a new home. I just wasn't feeling this one anymore and have started up a different one. Here's the new address: http://eemc.blogsome.com/ So update the links and go there from now on. the basement times have now been officially retired.

[O-U-T]

2005-11-16T05:52:00.000-05:00

Very excited to be leaving for London this morning. The blog will be back in full effect next week with stories and pics from the trip. later, IAN

the weekend

2005-11-14T17:31:00.000-05:00

The weekend was pretty jokes. On Friday, Lauren and I were invited to the upper part of our dwelling place for an evening with the landlords. They are two sisters in their early 20's from Iran and are living here while their parents continue to make preparations for them to settle here permanently. The one sisters' fiancee was there too and he was explaining to us a little bit about life in Iran, just the tough things going on there. This was balanced out by some good stories and pics of life in Iran. It was cool because it kind of broke down the barrier between landlord/tenant and allowed us to get to know them and to share a bit about what we're all about. They are 'not religious', just big into humanitarianism. Love your neighbor...well, there isn't really anyone geographically closer right now so hopefully we can continue to develop some relationships there. Plus, they put out quite the spread! verynice. Saturday we were able to spend some time with my parents and aunt/uncle/cousin. It was great to see them, catch up, and get a good meal Chez Mario from the East Side. [quick tip...they have this awesome new dish, bowtie pasta with cheese and broccoli. so good.] And since my birthday is coming up, the folks dropped off the first 2 seasons of Seinfeld on DVD, which I was pretty pumped about. And now we are getting into vacation mode, very excited about our impending jaunt across the pond to London. I never would have thought I would be going to London in November just months after the wedding. It's going to be sweet. The book of choice these days is Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey. I really dig his books, and this one looks to be a good one, just going through various individuals who have shaped his life in a positive way and helping him to move away from a tough upbringing in the church. Should be pretty sweet.

book recap : Velvet Elvis

2005-11-11T15:47:00.000-05:00

I finished reading Velvet Elvis this afternoon, and it's pretty much one of the better books I have read in a while. For real, I could spend a lot of time just going over it and quoting it to death, explaining what it means to me especially at this point in my life and in light of all that I have been wrestling with lately. I just have to share this one part near the end, though.

It is when the church gives itself away in radical acts of service and compassion, expecting nothing in return [ie: conversions, a devotion to denominational doctrine etc.] that the way of Jesus is most vividly put on display...Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor, and our neighbor can be anybody. We are all created in the image of God, and we are all sacred, valuable creations of God. Everybody matters. To treat people differently based on who believes what [or who has done what] is to fail to respect the image of God in everyone.

This book has really challenged me accept the fact that it is ok to wrestle with what we believe; that in fact that is what God has intended for us to do with our faith. I never want to get to a place where I feel as though I have it all figured out, for I believe that is a great disservice to the mystery of it all. I want to just keep going on the journey, working out in my heart and mind what it means to love God and to love my neighbor. I want to move forward from the experiences in my life that have shaped me and my view of the church [whether positive or negative] and reclaim the reality of what the church is meant to be, which is to shine the light of Jesus into the lives of all people [free from any agendas and the need to be seen or relevant, but as a quiet and humble followers of Christ.] I want to believe in my heart that God believes in me, that I am loved and valued by God so that I can confidently share that message with those who need to hear it most. Basically, I dig this book and suggest it as a must read.

'come, follow me'

2005-11-10T10:14:00.000-05:00

Last night on the bus I was reading about how things worked back in Jesus' day, how a young boy would work his way up in the world by progressing through his studies under the Rabbi. By the time they reached 14 or 15, only the best students [in an educational system very different from the one we know] were eligible to apply to become disciples. If they were chosen, they were received an offer from the Rabbi to 'come, follow me.' The rest were told to go home and learn the family business. [fishing, anyone?] This really helps to understand the significance of Jesus' calling of the first disciples. Peter and Andrew are fishing because they didn't make the cut, they simply weren't seen as good enough. I never really understood how it was possible for the guys to literally drop everything they were doing and immediately follow Jesus. But, in the context of this rabbinical system, it totally makes sense. Jesus was offering them the opportunity to become true disciples, to follow him wherever he might go and in the process become like him. They believed they were destined to fish for the rest of their lives when Jesus comes along and offers them the beautiful words they longed to hear: 'come, follow me.' Jesus had faith in them, he believed in them, even when the others thought they weren't good enough, even when they lost faith in themselves or just didn't get it. I tie this in with the quote I posted earlier and am seeing that I am only just beginning to understand what it means to follow Jesus.

2005-11-10T10:00:00.000-05:00

"I have been told I need to believe in Jesus. Which is a good thing. But what I am learning is that Jesus believes in me. I have been told I need to have faith in God. Which is a good thing. But what I am learning is that God has faith in me." - Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis Think about that for a few minutes today. It's big.

thoughts from a new book

2005-11-08T11:45:00.000-05:00

I have been reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell this week, and it's the kind of book that I have to read real slow, taking the time to really think about what is being said. I was on the Viva last night reading on the way home from work, and this one line just jumped up and slapped me. God is always present. We're the ones who show up. The whole earth is full of God's glory [literally his weight and significance.] If something is true, beautiful, honorable and right, it belongs to God. So many times we say of an experience or an event that God was there, that he made his presence felt...like he has made some sort of special appearance just for us. The reality is that he is always here, everywhere around us. The onus is on us to wake up and recognize his presence, no matter what the circumstance or setting. Rob Bell talks a bit about the use of the term "Christian" as an adjective. What was originally intended to be a noun referring to the followers of Jesus who had devoted themselves to living for him has been turned into an adjective which limits the scope of truth that Christ came to unveil. The problem is that something can be labeled 'Christian' and be neither true or good, and can also turn us away from something utterly profound and true simply because we see it as 'non-Christian'. It strips us of our responsibility to be a discerning people, taking things as they are presented to us and blindly accepting them or rejecting things without really taking the time to examine them. It has been said that just as God's first act in creation was to separate darkness from light, the rest of Scripture and our stories today are to be defined by this constant act of separating darkness from light; figuring out what is true and what isn't, what is right and what is wrong, what brings life and what brings death. "Being a Christian is about engaging the mind and heart more and more, not shutting them off or letting someone else think for you." Our lives are to be centered around a constant search for truth, to live according to the teachings of Christ. That starts by recognizing that the whole earth is God's and everything in it, waking up to the reality that he can be found all around us. We need to shed the labels [if it's bad to label things as "Christian", just think about the ramifications of further classifying things by denomination...] and be a discerning people, testing everything, holding onto what is good and true and right.

This book is really making me think about things...

*Just to add to that a bit. I just read a part in the book where he talks about how Christians alway say that they will be 'taking Jesus' to this place or that place, as if he already wasn't there. If we recognize that God is everywhere, then when we attempt to reach out to others, we are to try to show them that God has already been there the whole time. There is no place on earth where God's presence is missing; it's all about us showing up and recognizing what he is doing all around us at all times.*

why I write for boundless...

2005-11-07T09:30:00.000-05:00

The questions has come up via comment as to why I write for boundless. At first I thought this question was kind of like the time my friend Lewis and I were standing by the intramural board and Tyndale's grumpiest student walked by, looked at the floor hockey page and muttered under his breath "i should have been player of the week", meaning "what right does that person have to be there?" But, I will respond assuming that it's just an honest [and anonymous...seriously, is it that big of a deal to state your name?] question, which I would be happy to answer. First of all, the obvious answer is because I was asked. I enjoy writing, and this opportunity presented itself, so I gladly accepted. And as someone who grew up in the Army and has now kind of moved away from it and seen that there is much to learn and experience apart from the Army, I think it's important to offer some fresh perspectives regarding faith and the Christian life because I know how things can get inside the bubble. I think it's good to be challenged to think through things, to not just accept beliefs and ways of doing things just because that's how the Army does it. Some may say that it's an Army thing, that it wasn't meant for someone like myself. I would respond by saying that it's not good to allow something to be entirely one sided. We're all on the journey together regardless of what church we belong to and we all have something to offer to the conversation. I think that was recognized and so I was asked to contribute. Open discussion between believers from different perspectives is good, and I am happy to be a part of it. And it is turning into a good learning experience for me. I just want to get people to think, that's all. [Thanks for the question, and feel free to email me as well. You can find my address in the blog profile.]

2005-11-04T05:30:00.000-05:00

I've got an article rollin' in the latest issue of boundless magazine on the topic of dating and relationships from a Christian perspective. Feel free to let me know what you think. [I'm also going to be contributing a bit to the blog over there.] Check it out!

the death of the religious tract [cont.]

2005-11-02T17:41:00.000-05:00

Christians often hold the belief that because we are 'saved', we are somehow better or on a higher level than the rest of the world. Thus, it is our responsibility to reach down and lift the world out of its depths, to bring them to our level. We must, as it is said, 'win the world for Jesus.' What I'm learning and trying to express here is that we need to realize that we are all children of God, created in his image, equally broken and in need of a savior; we are all journeying through life as God's creations trying to make sense of it all. Rather than feel as though we are above people who don't know the Lord, we need to come alongside of them and share with them the reality that they are loved, that we all experienced the same troubles but we are not alone in the struggle. It is not about leading them to church or through the sinner's prayer. We must not have the mentality that the Christian life as it relates to evangelism is all about ticking off another check on the salvation scorecard or boosting the numbers of church attendance. Our mission is to demonstrate to people that they are valued. We are not responsible simply to share with them the words 'God loves you' and feel all good and leave them hanging; we have been called to be the literal embodiment of Christ's love into people's lives, the very love that has been revealed to us, inviting them to continue on in the journey together. Remember, the greatest commandment is to love. Perhaps it's time to take a minute and consider whether or not our common strategies for reaching out really take that into consideration. It all starts with a willingness to put your personal agenda aside and be there for people, to listen more and talk less, and to love no matter what.

the death of the religious tract

2005-11-01T17:02:00.000-05:00

Can we please make it official? R.I.P to the 4 spiritual laws? I have been reading The Coffeehouse Gospel by Matthew Paul Turner, and, although on the Dr. Penner scale [a) elementary, b) insightful and c) challenging] I would give it an a, it has reinforced my belief that reaching out to non-Christians today should be all about story; we should be people who are willing to share our personal story and be more than ready to kick back and listen to those of others. Let me turn back the clock circa 1999, in the town of Lindsay, ON. Our mission that day was to do some street evangelism, to share the Gospel and maybe a copy of Faith and Friends. I really wasn't comfortable with this, but made an attempt and approached a stranger, basically telling him that when he went home he should open the Bible and God would speak to him. What a stupid thing to do. I didn't know what to do, I was just trying to be a good Christian, to step out of my 'comfort zone' and get someone saved. The problem is that, as Christians reaching out, we have screwed up motives. Our aim is to seek and to save those who are lost, whatever the cost, rather than loving our neighbor, no matter who they are. Often, we are taught to give the speech and it doesn't work out, then we move on to the next target. Brutal. I believe that a meaningful approach to it all would be for us to talk less, listen more. [think Jerry Maguire...more personal attention.] When we involve ourselves in conversations, why must we be always thinking 'now how can I get this person to become a Christian?' I think we should be willing to keep the ears open, hear their story and get to know where the person is coming from, and attempt to develop a friendship, breaking down the barriers barriers between Christian and non-Christian. Believe me, the barriers are there and sadly they are mostly a product of conduct by the Christians acting in the name of Christ but demonstrating severe ungrace. If non-Christians feel that our mission is just to get them out to church or lead them through the sinner's prayer, then we're doing a disservice to the call but to everyone that they are loved. I say just be willing to listen and share, to develop meaningful relationships rather than take the 'door-to-door hand out papers at Dundas Square' approach; God will work through your openness and honesty, your willingness to take the time to listen and be vulnerable. It's not a race or a competition. It should really be just how we live on a daily basis.

One great quote from the book: "It is a major fumble to speak the Gospel in any way other than lovingly, mercifully and graciously." I totally agree, and I am not sure all means of reaching out respect that mantra.

NBA Preview

2005-10-31T18:44:00.000-05:00

On the eve of the '05-'06 NBA season, I thought I would offer up some thoughts/predictions about my 2nd favorite sport. Allow me to begin with a word to Raptors fans. For the first time in a while, we begin the season sans Vince Carter. The outlook is bleak at best, our franchise is pretty much a joke around the league, our GM is seen as a complete buffoon, and it is pretty much assured that we will not see any Raptors games beyond the scheduled 82. However, I declare today that I will not turn my back on this team. The first step in saying that is getting over the fact that Vince is gone. Toronto seems to have this obsession with looking back at what could have been and questioning the trade. What we have to understand is that this guy quit on us, half-assed his way out the door while screwing over any chance the Raptors had of getting anything close to fair value for him. and who can forget these familiar scenes.] I for one do not want a player of his ilk on my team, and say good riddance. Now, let's move on; let's try to look at the positives. First, there is Chris Bosh, the cornerstone of our franchise. He will be an All Star this year, and can only get better...yes, now we are faced with the long road to free agency hoping he'll stay around and not go the way of t-mac et al., but I'm going to try to enjoy the daily highlights for what they mean to us this year. Second, I believe that the moves made by Babcock this summer were very positive. Charlie V. [who I wholeheartedly support] and Joey Graham are going to be exciting players, Rafer was a total loon and had to go [and so did that stupid contract], and Jose looks to be a good option at the point, holding it down until Ukic crosses the sea. Yes, I realize we still have that white elephant known as Araujo in the building, but he can't get much worse, can he? Top it off with a renewed commitment to D fueled by friends Mike James and Eric Williams, hopefully some strong play by Jalen and MoPete, the return of Boogie, some hustle from the Red Rocket, and a better and more experienced coaching effort, I think there are for sure some positives here in Toronto. We have to accept that we are rebuilding, understanding that Babcock inherited a somewhat painted over but awful cap situation that will take a few years to clear up. It could be a long year, but if anything it will be fun to watch. And now on to some predictions: Division Champs Nets Heat Pacers Spurs Nuggets Kings 5 Other Playoff Teams [in no real order] West Rockets Mavs Suns Grizzlies last pick is a tough one...Sonics, Wolves, Lakers??? I am going to go with Ray Allen on this one. check that, I am going with a surprise pick here...warriors or jazz. East Pistons Cavs Bulls 76ers Bucks Conference Finals Heat v. Pacers Spurs v. Rockets Finals Spurs v. Heat Champs Spurs - It's hard to think anyone will be able to beat them. I mean, to add Finley and the Quick to an already championship level team is just crazy. And these aren't Cuban moves, these are additions of quality guys who know their roles and will compliment Duncan, Manu and Parker. I would love to see the Heat win, but I am not sure adding crazies like Walker and Whit Eboy were the best moves. And the Pacers are one Artest incident from another first or second round exit...but they could be motivated to take it all. MVP: LeBron. Dude is just too good, and he will lead the Cavs into the playoffs will averaging close to 25, 8 and 7. Remember all the hype? It's beyond that now. ROY: Charlie V? jokes. I am going to say Marv in the ATL, or maybe Deron Williams in Utah. Bogut 3rd.

Coach of the Year: George Karl, Nuggets MIP: DARKO!!! Biggest Surprises: Bucks - ok, i know this may be a stretch, but i see them squeaking into the 8th playoff spot. maybe this is just me showing Jamal some love, but with Bogut, Redd, Simmons, and the return of TJ Ford, something good can happen. i mean, they were a plyoff team a couple years ago. Kings - they aren't the kings that almost beat the lakers, but they still have BIBBY!!!, one of my favorite non-Raps. Charlie V - Stephen A. Smith can shut it! Biggest Dissapointments: Wizards - the loss of hughes will hurt, to the tune of no playoffs. and the departure of kwame will hurt their depth up front, even if he didn't do too much anyways. Suns - will still be a good team, but losing JJ and Q hurt. they will not be as fun to watch. Larry Brown in NY - one too many changes of scenery old fella. That's all I have for now. Feel free to comment, agree/disagree and offer up some prognostications of your own. It all starts tomorrow.

and now on to some more classic literature...

2005-10-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

Last week I received my first issue of SLAM magazine via subscription, and I was pumped. I have been buying this mag for about 5 or 6 years now, every month. I flippin' love it, and it is by far the best basketball mag [if not sports mag period] out there. I don't know whether it's the sweet glossy pics, the articles which give information you wouldn't really know otherwise featuring not just the mainstream NBA superstars but many unheralded players, the Slam-Ups, the NOYZ, the Hype, Punks...everything, it's just great. I read it from cover to cover every month, and I am excited to be able to get it in the mail every month. It's a good read, especially while on the throne. Part of it is also the good memories I have about walking to Shopper's every month with Ty, hoping that the latest ish would be there, trying to guess who the next coverboy would be, and walking back to Tyndale with some creamsicles. Awesome. I guess some of the mystique of going to the store to get it is gone, but the subscription deal is quite the money saver. Anyways, Lebron, you will always go down in history as the cover of my first mail order SLAM.

[NBA thoughts and predictions coming soon, maybe today.]

recap : War and Peace [or 'War: What is it good for?]

2005-10-31T09:13:00.000-05:00

I have finally made my way through War and Peace, and it is a relief to be done. That is by far the longest book I have ever read in my life, and I was starting to get a little antsy with it. I did enjoy it, and have to say I was more a fan of the peace sections than the descriptions of war. I don’t know, there is something about the whole notion of war that just gets me down. It is such an ugly aspect of the world’s history, and for what? Pride, ambition egoism? I know that we as the church wage war through different means [2 Cor. 10:3-5] but sometimes it seems as though the root of it all is the same. And just as back in the day, we get swept up in what the church leaders are feeding us and fight for all the wrong things and for all the wrong reasons. We brandish weapons of judgment rather than love and do a disservice to Christ, our head. I was all about the dynamics involved in the family relationships, the older generation trying to push their traditions and financial burdens on the younger, while the younger generation [for the most part] was all about moral and spiritual questioning. In some ways, it seems like the same is true today and it reminded me once again that it is through relationships that the world is changed and that people are affected. Some characters [like my favorite, Pierre] were able to slowly struggle through the emptiness of life and come to understand that love is what it is all about.

[as cheese as it sounds, the theme song for this book should be 'meant to live.'] Good book, though…especially if you are interested in that time period and the social/military history of the day. I am glad to have read it, and even more to be done with it.

don't put it out with your boot, fred!! [or is it Ted? shoot, i can't remember]

2005-10-28T12:02:00.001-04:00

I have never been huge into halloween, but I saw this on Matt's blog and thought it was jokes, so I wanted to pass on the hilarity. Check this poop out and have a happy halloween.

the challenges of love

2005-10-27T11:42:00.000-04:00

The other night, I was at work, eagerly anticipating my 11 pm departure time. It was about 10:20, and I got a call from the night guy informing me that [for the second time in as many weeks] he wouldn’t be rolling in until maybe 11:30. Yipee! Now I am not one who really enjoys conflict or confronting people, but it was getting a bit old so I firmly [but not rudely] explained to buddy that this wasn’t cool, that I was going to miss the bus and explained to him how showing up late like that was disrespectful to your teammates. Well, that didn’t go over too well, and he ended up hanging up on me and saying that he wasn’t coming in, leaving me with the prospect of being stuck there for another 8 hours, through the night. I was just not at all impressed. He showed up at 11:15, stormed into the house all pissed off [ask me why he was ticked, and I can’t tell you…he was the one showing up late here] and didn’t say a word to me. I left calling out a ‘have a good night’ and made my way to the bus stop. I thought about what had happened all the way home and couldn’t sleep right away. I was thinking about what it means to love my neighbor. I guess I was just struggling with drawing the line between demonstrating love at all times and not letting people walk all over me. Maybe the loving thing to do would have been to just let it slide and say ‘that’s ok, show up whenever’; but on the other hand, maybe the loving thing to do was call him on it [because it is repetitive behavior], and get him to think about how his actions affect others. Accountability is really what that’s about, and it can be a tough balancing act sometimes. That takes wisdom, because you can’t just be reckless in saying ‘that’s wrong, don’t do that.’ But maybe there are elements of love and grace in the confrontation, because loving our neighbor involves helping them along in their walk as well, encouraging them to do the right thing. There must be purpose in confrontation, which is to lead them to the make better choices and to right living. This is just something I need to grow in, balancing between showing love and grace and confronting something I know is not right. It can be tough.

Big News

2005-10-23T11:33:00.000-04:00

So I mentioned earlier that Lauren and I are going on a trip. It’s true; next month, we are going to London. Lauren’s best friend and her husband are studying there this semester and we are going to stay with them. Believe me; I am as surprised as anyone that we are actually going. We had talked about it in the summer, kind of a ‘oh that would be nice’ thing. But as we talked seriously about it, we decided that it’s important to take advantage of these opportunities while we’re still young, not wanting to go through life regretting that we didn’t do anything exciting. So we’re going, and we are pumped. It still hasn’t really hit me, but it’s all very exciting. I will for sure take some pics and share the experience via the blog, so stay tuned for that, mid-November. Not too much else going on these days. We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory for supper the other night for my best friend Mike’s birthday, and I finally watched Batman Begins yesterday at work with the guys. It was good, although I’m not sure I liked the whole ‘it’s not about what’s underneath, it’s about what you DO’ line. The movie was a bit of a step up from the Mr. Freeze days though. Well, that’s all I got for today. Time to enjoy the day off, beginning with some chocolate chip pancakes courtesy of my beautiful wife.

the new wine : take it in...it always goes down smooth

2005-10-20T16:24:00.000-04:00

You hear a lot lately about how the church needs to change to keep up with the times; we need to be relevant, attractive to the peoples. I'm not so sure that's the best way of thinking. I don't think we need to put such a high priority on having pimped out buildings, crazy powerpoint and video presentations and Grammy caliber musicians. Often, Christians refer to the passage in Mark 2 about the wineskins as proof from the lips of Christ that church tradition needs to be put aside and we need to move forward in terms of how we do things. I was thinking today that perhaps what Jesus is really saying is that the way things were happening under the old covenant just wasn't working. God's people were more about making a show out of their religion and were so keen on holding tight to every letter of the law that they missed the point of it all; loving God and loving people. Jesus came to show us that the most important thing we can do is be a witness to the awesome love and grace of God that is for all people. Sadly, even today, I think we continue to miss that point and are making the same old mistakes of the 'religious' ones back in the day. It's not about putting on a nice show and keeping up with the times; it's about steadily bringing a message of grace, love and forgiveness to those who need to hear it. We are new covenant people [God's covenant, not ones we have made up] and that's what the world needs to see. Regardless of our struggles to 'keep up with the times', the basic principles of the CHURCH [of which all Christians are a part of, covenanted together by God's grace and not by our own efforts] as Christ formed it have and always will remain the same - Love God and love your neighbor. If we hide behind all the fancy bells and whistles in the race to be hip and forget that we are to be the Church in our world today then we are still just sucking back on those cracked, old wineskins. Nobody wants that. In other news, Lauren and I are about to announce the next leg of our world tour. First stop Mexico, next...? Stay tuned for details. [hint: there is an Ontario equivalent to this city.]

come again???

2005-10-17T19:08:00.000-04:00

Let's get naked and start the revolution. - Jack Black, Orange County [my favorite quote on that topic] In reading through various blogs from Army types, I often wonder why there is such a premium put on banding together under the common banner of the Army covenant, when all Christians are already united together as a body of believers defined and marked by the love and grace of God as expressed to us through God's final and perfect covenant brought forth through Christ. And then I remembered that the great final conquest of Christ will be inaugurated through the Army, and then it all started to make sense to me. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, ok. [That makes about as much sense as comparing the Army pledge to the covenant of marriage.] It just seems pretty arrogant to assume that the whole fate of Christianity and the world at large depends on the embrace of a bunch of promises by weak and flawed humans, intended for a specific group of Christians. Imagine the response from a Christian who has no idea what the Army is all about? "Well, I guess I better pack it in. They have it covered." Don't get me wrong, I am all for a 'universal embrace of covenant' that would bring believers together for the benefit of the kingdom. That covenant would be the one made by God to us, wherein God has made the terms, the promises, the stipulations, the warnings, and worked it all out to perfection in love and grace; all that is expected of us is to believe and respond accordingly. It pretty much shakes down like this: Promise: "I will be your God, and you shall be my people." Response: willing, joyful obedience bursting out of a heart, mind and soul full of love for God. Anyways, didn't expect to go on this long about that, it just makes me chuckle/ticked all at once. I just don't get it sometimes, why we've made it so dang complicated. [Quick reminder: '21 Questions' is still up and running. Fire one off!]

21 Questions

2005-10-13T22:34:00.000-04:00

The guys at stupid church people have been doing a sort of Q & A time lately, where those who read their blog can ask them a series of questions about various subjects. It can be anything from church [background, where I am at now] to theology, my position on current issues, life and relationships, my job at Christian Horizons, my future plans, sports, favorite movies or books...pretty much any subject is open. I thought it might be cool to try this out as well. [perhaps I am being a bit ambitious thinking that I will be asked 21 serious questions, but what the heck.] Sometimes when you read people's blogs you don't really know where they are coming from or who they really are, so this is my attempt to kind of open it up and allow people to get to know me a bit better. I will try to be as open and honest as possible, and hopefully can address a wide variety of topics. So there you go...21 Questions is up and running. Fire away. [And please, if you do ask a question, please leave your name so I know who it is that is asking. And nothing inappropriate.]

[not so] extreme makeover : blog edition

2005-10-13T09:05:00.000-04:00

I have changed up the blog a bit, with a bit of a new look and a new link. I have added boundless magazine to the links. It is basically a Salvation Army online blog/magazine, originally intended for teens but now seems to be more geared to young adults. I think it is a tremendous site, and while I may not always agree with some of the things on there, I think it's important to be an active part of the conversation, presenting a different angle that may not be raised in that environment otherwise while continually being personally challenged to think through certain issues as well. And Jer is a regular contributor, so you know it's good for some jokes. Lauren and I went and saw Reuben Morgan at Tyndale yesterday. He really challenged me to have a firm balance between right thinking [theology] and active praise [doxology], that all the things we think through and debate and learn must be balanced with a praise for the Father, realizing that all we think we know is nothing compared to the all surpassing greatness of God. He read this passage from Ephesians [from the Message], which is one of my favorite passages: My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit--not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength-- that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all Christians the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Finally, my 3rd Tyndale roommate raised a great question on a previous post, and before I answer [not really sure how yet] I wanted to throw it out there to see what other people think. Here it is: I have a new neighbor, and I see him out in front of his garage drinking a beer. I go over and talk to him, and I KNOW we'd both be more at ease if I cracked a beer with him and sat down for half an hour. BUT, I feel the need to be a Christian witness; though I don't believe alcohol his sinful in itself, a lot of non-Christians will identify a Christian as someone who doesn't drink, and often be challenged in a good way by that. SO, what is more important: to be a challenging witness (without being judgmental of course), OR to let down your guards, love the person, and get to know them more? Let me know what you think, I will post my response in the next few days.

a few pics

2005-10-11T16:17:00.000-04:00

Here are some pics from this past weekend in o-town. Me and my two favorite kids.

The whole fam [minus the Papa-razzi, my Dad the photog] together for Thanksgiving.

My wife and I in the woods.

Two of my cutest family members.

weekend update [another edition of 'the haps']

2005-10-11T09:26:00.000-04:00

Lauren and I were able to go to Ottawa this past weekend for Thanksgiving, and it was very nice to be with my family for the holiday. Highlights included going to Canadian Tire to buy this macked out grocery cart [kind of like this one but not really] to meet all of our grocery transporting needs...a nice pancake breakfast on Saturday morning...picking up the coffeehouse gospel by Matthew Paul Turner and velvet elvis by Rob Bell...going for a hike with the fam in the Gatineau Hills, a great place to catch the fall colors...dinner at the much beloved Lone Star...watching HNIC for the first time in too long while eating a tremendous pumpkin pie baked by my beautiful wife... [hockey sidenote: I have watched 3 Sens games now, and am so impressed. Having lived in Ottawa all my life but being a Bruins fan at heart, I have been a casual fan, but they are getting more love from me every day. I was pumped to see the Bruins get their first W, 7-6 over the Penguins. What was sweet about that game was that they came back from 2 goal deficits a couple times (something you didn't see very often in the old days...in fact their have been 5 or 6 of these big comebacks for far...yes including last night, which was quickly kaiboshed by Hasek and Heatley in the SO. I know Leaf fan, the Sens lose in the playoffs blah blah blaaaaah...but this year it appears as though they won't get a chance for redemption since the leafs will be gearing up for the lottery...scoops!!!) and that the score was 7-6. And after a big win over TB last night with all the points coming from 2nd or 3rd line guys, they are back on track.] ...playing the Incredibles on Gamecube with Noah, having him give me all the tips like I don't know what I am doing and then impressing him with the moves of a wily video game vet...and of course the Thanksgiving meal. Dang, stuffing needs to be served at every meal, am I right? Fantastic food. It was a great weekend, so good to see the family and hang out with the niece and nephew as well. I do have so very much to be thankful for, that is for sure. I have some pics of it all, and will put those up later. We came home on Sunday to attend the funeral for Lauren's step-dad's father yesterday in Acton. I was glad to be there. I am very thankful for and appreciate my step-dad-in-law, and it touched my life to see the impact that his father had on him. I now have a greater appreciation for where he has come from, for his story. I am learning more and more that it is so important to know and appreciate people's stories, and to have the courage to share our story, to be vulnerable with others. I didn't really know Pops, but just from hearing about him, I know he was a man of God who lived and loved joyfully until the very end. I have been inspired to do the same, and am so thankful for my family [as of August 13th now wonderfully bigger.] And so it was a very good Thanksgiving...

predictions

2005-10-05T18:13:00.000-04:00

Break out the chilled Dr Pepper and PC Peanut Butter Cups because Hockey is BACK!!! Oh man, I am so pumped. My Bruins are looking nice [come back, Nick] and the Sens are primed to lay an ass-whoopin' on the Leafs tonight. [it is so brutal being a non-leaf fan in Toronto, don't even get me started on that. such is my plight.] Here are my early predictions: Division Winners: Boston Philly TB Nashville [my one big surprise pick] Calgary San Jose Conference Finals Ottawa/Philly Calgary/San Jose Stanley Cup Finals Ottawa/San Jose Champs Ottawa!!! Hart Trophy Joe Thornton Art Ross Joe Thornton Richard Rick Nash Calder Thomas Vanek [fine, maybe Crosby] Vezina Nabokov Norris Zdeno Chara [my heart will go with Leetch] Comeback Playa' Dominik Hasek Jack Adams Ron Wilson Hit me back with your predictions. Oh, and Bruins 5-2 tonight over les incompetents.

what [i think] it means to be 'set apart'

2005-10-03T19:02:00.000-04:00

In terms of moral behavior and how Christians are to interact with the world, the common buzz word seems to be 'set apart' [or to be 'in the world but not of the world'...whatever that means.] I have found that often what happens when we define being 'set apart' as a list of behaviors that we are to avoid is that we adopt a standpoint of judgment, looking down upon those who act in certain ways that are not as 'set apart' as we feel we are. Christians have compiled a whole list of things that determine whether or not we are truly set apart...the words that come out of our mouths, the books we read, the music we listen to, the movies/TV we watch, whether or not we drink beer, what school we went to, what part of the city we live in, what denomination we belong to, if we download music or not and what kind of music we listen to, if we go to church every single Sunday, have tattoos or piercings, wear the right clothes [or a uniform...sorry had to say it], have a 15 minute reading of the Purpose Driven Life every day [and the list could go on...anything I left out?] I am kind of tired of looking at it this way. It's not productive or right, and I believe it is an attitude that Christ came to prune out of our hearts. I believe that to be 'set apart' means to love no matter what; regardless of behavior, past experiences, social standing, cultural context, lifestyle, attitudes, beliefs about God and stances on moral issues. The greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself. If we concoct a means to determine how 'set apart' we are based on our ability to be good, then we're screwed. That doesn't even really matter, anyways. Any Jack can refrain from doing bad things, but if it is not done with love or if it builds within him a spiritual pride, then what does it matter? However, if we strive after God with all our hearts, growing in our love for him and in turn learning to truly love our neighbor no matter what, then we're on to something. We are not as concerned with looking good as we are with demonstrating the goodness of Christ. There are certain responsibilities we have as Christians in terms of interacting with the world in which we live, and I believe they are as follows: a) to exercise our freedom in Christ in a way that does not hinder those around us from experiencing the love of God; b) to accept and love everyone we come into contact with, refraining from all presuppositions and judgments about them in relation to who they are and what they do/say; and c) to grow in our love for God and our neighbor through whatever means possible [even through things that are not explicitly 'Christian'.] The reality is that we are all citizens of this world, broken and in need of the love of Christ. No good can come from setting up a ladder reaching towards the heavens, each rung representing a moral feat that we have achieved and thus taking us higher in our set apart-ness. We are all on a level plain; from the most holy, sanctified person to the lowest of sinners, we are all in this together. What joins those two together is the love of Christ. [whew, sorry...just had to get that out there. i am so ready to write about other things, like working at Christian Horizons, being up before the sun and even and my [late] thoughts on The Passion movie, but this is where my heart has been the past couple days. but for now i am off to begin my NHL '06 Bruins dynasty.]

find a happy place

2005-09-30T14:06:00.000-04:00

The past couple days have been a bit of a piss off in terms of work [long story short, two nights ago the overnight dude showed up a half hour late throwing off my bus sched so that I didn't get home until 12:40 in the AM; last night nobody shows up for the overnight shift, and I am at the house for 16 hours with minimal sleep. Oh boy...not sure what God was trying to teach me through all that. Probably try to ripen a few of the fruit of the Spirit that I need some work on. touche.] Anyways, in light of all that, I wanted to take some time to go back to a recent happy place, Mexico. Lauren and I went here for our honeymoon, and it was by far the best week of my life. I had never been any further away from my house that BC to the West, Maine to the East and Philly to the South, so this was pretty big for me. [true story: first thing we see on the highway out of the airport was this beautiful sight.] Without further ado, here are some pics/highlights: Here is Lauren and I going into eat at La Isla, this cool open restaurant [1 of 7 restaurants at the resort. the food was pretty sweet all week, especiall the breakfast buffet.] A problem for Lauren on this trip was the little lizards that run around everywhere. At night they would be stuck to the walls just looking at you, and Lauren hated them. There was one running around the entrance to this place and Lauren looked straight at the hostess and demanded a table as far away from this beast as possible. Well, no she didn't actually, but she had a look of terror/disgust as we walked by it.

One morning we got up at 5 and went to the beach to catch the sunrise. That was awesome, something I will never forget. [Another great thing was seeing the lightning flashing over the ocean pretty much every night. We would just sit and watch it, taking in the beauty and power of God's creation.] It was awesome because there was always people around ready to take your picture for you. Here we are on the beach in the evening. The Ocean: the world's biggest toilet [#1 only of course.] I don't know how many times I dropped down like this to tinkle, but it was more than a few I can assure you. Lauren and I went on this awesome day trip to a natural waterpark called Xel-Ha. Basically it's this huge open lagoon right off the ocean that you can swim/snorkel in, surrounded by all these awesome fish. It was here that I developed a love for snorkeling. It's just so fun. Lauren wasn't too down with the whole swimming with the fish thing though. At one point, I was just swimming around and loving it when Lauren decided to book it to the nearest stairs out. Little did she know that she was about to swim through a school of the biggest fish in the whole lagoon. If there was an Olympic judge on hand, I swear she would have busted some serious records getting out of that water. This place was maybe the nicest place I have ever been in the world [despite the tourist effect.]

Also as part of that day trip, we went to some ruins. It was an old village named Tulum, and it was very interesting. This town actually served as a working calendar back in the day, with the sun shining through these little windows at a certain time on the exact day the seasons changed. Our tour guide on this day was jokes, always looking into his little folder and saying [with a sweet Mexican accent] 'let's take a look.' [Funny story from this day...we had this other honeymooning couple from out resort on this trip, and when they got back on the bus at Tulum, you could tell that the wife was NOT happy. They sat right in front of us, and it turns out that she was pissed because she couldn't get a certain souvenir. "all i really wanted was a pink hat from Tulum' she cried. Sure enough, Skippy gets right up, marches off the bus and returns with a sweet new pink hat from Tulum. classic. Needless to say Lauren and I were quoting that line every five minutes for the rest of the trip.]

So that's the short version of the trip, but it was awesome. The only souvenirs I brought home were a snorkel and a pack of cigars, and about 120 pictures. This trip is something I will remember for my whole life. And I like to look at these pics when I am feeling crappy, as I was last night.

[one more story for the road. I got so used to say 'hola' and 'gracias' when we were down there that I let it slip when we stopped at a gas station to grab a snack on the way home. The problem was that gas station dude was certainly not Mexican and did not appreciate being addressed that way. Oops, sorry amigo.]

adjustments

2005-09-28T10:30:00.000-04:00

One of the tough things about the new employment situation is having to work the 3-11 shift. It has been an adjustment for Lauren and I being apart in the evenings and not being able to sit down for supper together, especially since for 3 days of the week Lauren is at school for most of the day. It kind of sucks, I'll be honest. However, what makes is a bit easier is the fact that I do very much enjoy the work. The first individual moved into the home yesterday, and he is quite a character. Burp one up or drop a fart noise and dude has a huge smile on his face. I found out that this man has been living in an institution for 44 years [take a minute and think about that], and I count it a privilege and a blessing to be one of the first people this guy gets to interact with in more of a home setting. It's going to be fun helping him experience and see things he probably never even knew existed. He can't speak, but I could tell as he was looking over the house that he was going to be quite comfortable there. It was awesome because I don't think he had ever sat on comfy couches before [in fact we were told he wasn't real down with furniture], and when he sat on these new leather beauties he just curled right up and closed his eyes with a big grin on his face. Gold. Another frustrating thing about that shift is having to rely on public transit to get me home at that time of night. [I am actually surprised at the amount of people that take the bus at night. There weren't even any seats.] Last night I had to wait for about 20 minutes for a bus up in the Hill, and was running a bit late on my anticipated home arrival time as I got off the bus near my apartment. As I was walking up the road from the bus stop, a random empty bus pulled right up beside me and offered to take me close to my place. No ticket, no transfer, nothing. Buddy just wanted to help me out. I was so thankful for that, and was affirmed right there of the reality that God is taking care of us. I know he wants me to be working at CH, and he knows that it is a bit tough on both Lauren and I adjusting to the sched. But I believe he is watching over us and will help us out with all this. In other news...a new Amazing Race began last night. Dang, I love that show. [even with Lauren and I have free cable, we wanted to stay away from getting into the TV shows, but this is one we can get behind...and Lost too.] This one is the family edition, a fresh twist on it. It was kind of confusing figuring out who was who with the teams of 4 [it was hilarious because Lauren thought the show might have been being racist by calling out the 'Black' family, but it turns out that is their family name...well maybe she didn't actually think that, but it was still funny to hear], but their were some classic moments in the first episode, such as: a] a member of the Linz family dropping a fart in the Mennonite buggy ride; b] one of the Bransen daughters being so nervous she said she was going to poop her pants; c] a Mom completely bailing on the run to grab the backpacks; d] the Paollo mom flipping out on her mouthy son; and d] the explicitly Christian Weaver family praying 'in Jesus name' that they would figure out where the were going. Awesome. Tremendous show. Oh, and I know it's only the preseason, but I still loathe seeing this. ee, OUT!!!

epiphaneia [new link]

2005-09-27T09:56:00.000-04:00

I have linked up my blog to the brand new epiphaneia network. This venture has been started by some friends of mine from Tyndale [Chris, Nathan, Darryl and Steve] . In their own words, "we exist to bring young adults in Canada a network of resources and a place to belong. Whether it be through our annual conference, magazine, clothing line or any other resources, we hope to connect young adults around Canada together and to give them opportunity to be real with their questions and faith." There is a lot of good stuff going on with this, most of all the upcoming Spring conference here in Toronto featuring the likes of Brian McLaren [no relation], Donald Miller, and Chris Seay. I would encourage you to check this site out [still under construction a bit, may take a couple days to get the full effect]; these are all quality guys who have a passionate heart for God and for our generation, and I know God has great plans for epiphaneia.

ch-ch-check it out

2005-09-26T10:20:00.000-04:00

I like to look at things from a different perspective, especially one that calls into question the Christianese that I have learned over the first [almost] 25 years of my life and helps me put into words some of the questions in my heart about what it means to live as a Christian in today's world. And that is why I completely appreciate the stupid church people blog. I would encourage anyone to take the time to read some of the entries and listen to the podcasts. The latest ones on how Christians spin every situation into a positive and the hypocrisy found in the phenomenon known as See You At The Pole are tremendous. I am sure not everyone will agree with or appreciate their perspective, but it is worthwhile. Maybe it will cause you to think of things in a new light, get you mad, or make you laugh [because these guys are jokes.] Either way, I think it's a great blog, and if you are looking for something to do on a rainy day like today, I [once again] recommend it.

a tribute to my wife, who is sick right now with a cold

2005-09-25T17:39:00.000-04:00

So, I have been married for over a month now, and I can honestly say that I love my beautiful wife today more than ever. She is just the greatest and I am so blessed to have her in my life. When I sit down and think about it, the one thing that I appreciate most about Lauren [aside from the sweet cooking she does, the cookies, the fact that she is the funniest female I have ever known, the joy she takes in being hospitable when friends are over and in taking care of our place..which I of course help out in doing, don't worry] is the fact that she, above anyone I have ever met, displays to me the love and grace of Christ despite all of my failings. As I have mentioned before, I grew up with a view of God where I was constantly seeking his approval, trying my best to be a good person, deathly afraid that when I messed up, I was missing out on a special dose of God's love. It felt like I was constantly climbing a ladder, every passing rung a higher level of love and approval in the eyes of God; when I sinned, it was right back to the bottom to start all over again. Lauren, however, has helped me to see the true nature of God's love and grace. She accepts me for who I am, and has chosen to love me faithfully and unconditionally, even when I act like a total clown. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand; 'i acted like that, you should be ticked' I say. But she always forgives and lovingly encourages me to grow. She, to me, is the sweet fragrance of Christ, a constant reminder of his great love for me. I love my wife with all my heart, and am blessed with the privilege of being her husband. And that's all I have to say about that right now.

some haps

2005-09-25T12:57:00.000-04:00

Last night Lauren and I watched the movie Crash. Basically, this movie depicts the prevalence of racism, prejudice and stereotypes in society today by tracking intertwining events involving a dozen or so people in Southern California. This movie really brought out some emotion in both Lauren and I, even at one point prompting us to pause the movie and consider whether or not we should keep watching because it was pissing us off so bad. There were so many levels to this movie, and it really did reinforce the reality that these kind of thought processes do exist today; everything from misconceptions and misinterpretations about other people, to how we perceive groups of people and their driving habits to making assumptions about people because of the area of the city that they live in, what kind of car they drive and even what sports they would enjoy. I don't really know what to do with this movie, but it for sure has me thinking about various modes of thinking that I have been guilty of in terms of how I view and interact with other people [especially in a city like Toronto] and I was convicted of little judgments that I make in my mind [whether intentioned or simply as part of 'innocent' stereotypical jokes that we all partake of]. It really reminded me of the fact that we are all created in God's image and that is how we are to interact with one another, as individuals wholly loved by our creator. While loving our neighbor involves immediate and direct action to all who are in need, it begins with a shift in our thinking and a softening of our hearts so that we may see all people as God's children. Powerful movie, check it out.

currently reading...

2005-09-21T20:02:00.000-04:00

War and Peace?? Holy crap, this book is huge and intimidating. BUT the back cover tells me it is possibly the greatest novel ever written, so what the heck? Well, I'll be busy with this for a few years....

work and stuff

2005-09-21T17:20:00.000-04:00

After about a month of uncertainty, I finally know what's going on in terms of my job situation. Since coming to Toronto, I had looked into 3 different and pretty promising opportunities which led to interviews, and after that all I could do was sit back and wait for God to open the right doors. I certainly had it all planned out in my head, going through the various pros and cons of each, examining my heart to make sure I was hopeful for the right reasons. When it came down to it, the whole thing was really just out of my hands and I have problems handling that reality sometimes. I just had to trust that God would work it out and really make it clear where he wanted me to be. I'll be honest, I was a bit dissapointed at first because I had it all worked out in my head, but I know that God has put me in the best place to work on my heart. [looking at it now, I know I was being selfish in hoping for things the way I did and am entirely thankful that God has led me back to CH.] There is nothing sweeter than clearly seeing God's hand at work and knowing when I wake up each day that this is where he wants me to be. I am pretty pumped to be back at Christian Horizons here in Toronto. It's a brand new house north of the city and it is pretty exciting to see it all coming together. [it was pretty funny because it turns out I know my boss from the L'Achigan days, where he and his best friend would come from Toronto to join us for music camp. his friend was my counselor one year when I decided it would be jokes to jump up and down on my bed naked and unashamed. the first question buddy asks me in the interview last week was 'so what were you thinking when you jumped naked on your bed?' now the area manager for CH refers to me as 'the naked dude'. grrrreat start, Ian.] Apparently one of the guys moving in next week is a big fan of burps and farts, so I have to stock up on the Dr. Smooth. Something I have been thinking about.... What is the deal with the church desiring to be 'relevant'? [another common buzz word these days.] The more I think about it, the more I have a hard time making sense of it. It seems to me that there isn't anything entirely more irrelevant than answering the call to follow Christ. Any call for Christianity to be relevant in the world today seems to cheapen the gospel and do a disservice to the true meaning of discipleship. As one friend reminded me on this blog a few months ago, 'Christianity is fundamentally counter-cultural, it is not just another sub-culture and it cannot hope to be embraced as "Relevant" by the broader culture.' I don't know, that whole idea of relevancy isn't sitting well. Check Bill's blog for some more on that. And I was going to say something about Oprah's philanthropy tactics, but maybe not...gotta read Lauren's uncle John's book. Ian, OUT!!

thank you, Jack

2005-09-18T12:55:00.000-04:00

Lauren and I had the privilege of attending the Jack Johnson concert here in Toronto last night. Two tickets had found their way into a couple of country fans who had never even heard of the man, so when they were offered to us free of charge we gladly accepted. It was so fun to be there with my wife, arm in arm, just enjoying the beauty of the words/music that this guy has put together. [I had never been to the Molson Amphitheatre either, and it was so nice to be under the bright moon and stars looking out over the t-dot skyline.] It was definitely refreshing and inspiring to be in the presence of a man who openly admits he doesn't have all the answers but does all he can to appreciate the beauty, joy and poetry of life and love. [come on, who wouldn't feel better about life listening to love songs about banana pancakes?] On the way out of the concert, I picked up his latest CD and as I was looking over the lyrics I read through my favorite Jack Johnson song and I wanted to post it on up here. I could explain how I feel it all relates back to all that I have been trying to say this past week, but I think I will just let Mr. Johnson speak for himself because in one song he pretty much kills all my attempts to explain myself and sums it up real well. Thank you Jack, it was good times. Never Know I heard this old story before Where the people keep on killing for their metaphors But don't leave much up to the imagination So I want to give this imagery back But I know it just ain't so easy like that So I turn the page and read the story again and again and again It sure seems the same with a different name We're breaking and rebuilding and we;re growing, always guessing Never knowing We're shocking but we're nothing We're just moments, we're clever but we're clueless We're just human, amusing but confusing We're trying, but where is this all leading? We'll never know It all happened so much faster than you can say disaster Want to take a time-lapse and look at it backwards Find the last word and maybe that's just the answer that we're after But after all we're just a bubble in a boiling pot Just one breath in a chain of thought We're moments just combusting We feel certain but we'll never, never know It sure seems the same, give it a different name We're begging and we're needing, and we're trying, and we're breathing Never knowing We're shocking but we're nothing We're just moments, we're clever but we're clueless We're just human, amusing but confusing We're helping, rebuilding and weÂre growing Never know Knock, knock, coming door to door To tell you that their metaphor is better than yours And you can either sink or swim and things are looking pretty grim If you don't believe in what they're spoon-feeding It's got no feeling so I read it again and again and again It sure seems the same, so many different names Our hearts are strong, our heads are weak, we'll always be competing Never knowing We're shocking but we're nothing We're just moments, we're clever but we're clueless We're just human, amusing, confusing But the truth is all we got are questions We'll never know

new link

2005-09-16T16:51:00.000-04:00

the basement times is now officially linked up to Bill's blog. Bill is an Army officer from Cali who commented on here out of the blue a few months ago in the midst of an ongoing discussion about the merits of the Army covenant. I don't know him personally, but I appreciate his comments and his perspective and all I have to say is....dang, I wish I had an Army officer like this dude when I was younger! Thanks Bill, keep is coming!

'soundtrack for the struggle'

2005-09-16T16:29:00.000-04:00

In emails exchanged with a friend in regards to these latest conversations about the revolution, I have decided to join him in his adoption of the music of Derek Webb as the 'soundtrack for my struggle.' From time to time I am going to share some lyrics of a song that I am resonating with. Here's the first little diddy. And if you haven't checked out his music, I recommend it. He loudly declares what it is really all about and the fact that we are indeed nothing without Christ. Nothing Without You i’ve got the dress, i’ve got the ring i’ve got a song that i can sing i’ve got the bread, i’ve got the wine but i’ve got the life i’ve left behind i’ve got everything, but i’ve got nothing without you i’ve got the law on my heart i’ve got your love tearing me apart i’ve got a vow that i can’t keep but i’ve got your promise getting me to sleep i’ve got everything, but i’ve got nothing without you i’ve got your works, i’ve got my faith i’ve got all the wine that you can make i am the kiss of your betrayer but i’ve got your grace on every layer i’ve got everything, but i’ve got nothing without you ‘cause you see it’s all just a show you either hate it or you don’t and only time will tell the difference if you get it clearly or with interference i’ve got the race, got the election but win or lose, i’ve got protection i found a lobbyist in the devil but i got salvation in a rebel i’ve got everything, but i’ve got nothing without you

the issue of 'ego' in the church

2005-09-16T12:59:00.000-04:00

I came across a great post entitled 'check your ego at the door' on stupidchurchpeople that I think really ties into these recent discussions. Read it, check out the comments and let me know what you think.

another day, more on the revolution

2005-09-16T11:13:00.000-04:00

I had a great talk with my wife last night. She always helps me to put things in the proper perspective. We discussed what has been going down on my blog lately, how I feel obligated to engage in this debate and really praying through whether or not my heart is in the right place and I am getting into these conversations for the right reasons. My wife knows me better than anyone, and has seen how my Army upbringing has shaped me and my view of God, for better or worse. She knows where my head and my heart are at, and was encouraging me to set aside my pride/ego and continually maintain a tone of love. I admit, sometimes it is a very difficult task. As James just commented, I am in no way against doing all that I can to love my neighbor; that's what I desire to be about. It is the language of it all that gets to me. When I was younger, all into the Army, I certainly had questions about what I saw going on around me, but I was afraid to bring them up lest my cornet mouthpiece be permanently confiscated [slight exaggeration, I know.] But the reality is that if one was not willing to be all sold out Army, then there was a stigma attached to that as if [as James put it] one was a spiritual slacker. There was no room for questioning, for expressing real and valid doubt about what was going on around me and how I was wrongly being taught to understand God's love and grace. I am pumped that 'you' [plural as I understand it from Aaron's comments, whoever you may be] are doing great things for the kingdom, I really am. I am glad to hear of an excitement for God amongst the youth of the Army. But what about those who aren't really on board with the whole idea of 'revolution', for those who are unsure of where they fit in to it all? Will they be labeled as 'deadwood soldiers' as I had recently read on another blog, tossed away in favor of committed soldiers? Where is the love and grace in that? Where is the love and grace in getting all up in people's faces and saying 'get off your butt and do something?' Again, I will say that indeed many of us on both sides of the debate do not know each other real well if at all, so it is difficult to address the situation without over-generalizing and taking on a tone of presumptuous judgment. In the end [as my wife reminded me last night] I am a broken man really struggling to find my way, trying to come to terms with all the spiritual baggage I accumulated growing up Army and really understand what it means to be covered by God's grace and love. I don't believe that it is all about the hype, being focused on doing, because I have seen how that leads to a life intent on gaining God's approval [and at times over-appreciation and admiration of self and searching for approval from others.] In all truth, I on my own have really nothing to offer. I am a sinful being, constantly relying on God's grace to do anything. I am not going to pretend that I or any particular revolutionary movement is the hope of the world. As I was reminded yesterday, however passionate or zealous we are for God, we are all still sinners in need of God's grace; taking on that viewpoint, I believe we can serve with love and gratitude springing out of a thankful and humble heart, not because I feel I have to in order to gain God's [or man's or a movement's] approval. That's my beef with 'revolutionary' talk. I am not saying good is not being done and that it is all bad; I am speaking out of personal experience based on where I have been and out of concern for the fact that even though it's all dressed up as exciting and revolutionary, the same old crap that still may be happening. I am of course not suggesting that everyone agree with me, nor am I going to be easily convinced that everything is on the straight and narrow. Unity is the goal, I believe, and at times it is discouraging just seeing how far apart we can be at times and how everyone is prepared to do their own thing. I am not sure if unity does require an 'investment'; I think the key is really more in letting go of all that truly hinders us from loving God and our neighbor with our whole heart. Our neighbor is not just the poor, the widow, the children - it is our Christian brothers and sisters as well. [and along those lines, I just don't see the benefit of this kind of revolution language and drawing lines between those who are and those who are not doing enough. I struggle to see love and grace in that.] I guess talking through these things and getting a feel for what we are all about as individuals is a good start to uniting in Christian love. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read all of this and comment, I really do. Thank you for taking the time to share in the journey with me.

'deep thoughts' [?]

2005-09-15T14:34:00.000-04:00

A great comment came my way from Aaron White, and I wanted to take some time to respond to it and share a bit more of my thoughts on all this. Please allow me to preface this by saying that I am in no way just trying to be a dink who stirs it all up without being able to back up what I say. I am not trying to be in the business of making assumptions about people that I don't even really know, nor am I trying to suggest that I have it all figured out and know exactly what it means to love God and my neighbor. I am just thinking out loud as I try to figure it all out. Listen folks, all I am trying to say is that I don't believe that a loud 'look at us' kind of gospel is the way to go. I don't feel that we are called to declare our accomplishments from the rooftops, nor am I concerned with ever appearing in a book and be noted as a 'revolutionary'. Christ himself, upon doing something good, would often tell people not to say what happened. He did not want to become an icon based on his great accomplishments, but rather he desired to demonstrate his love for us by laying down his life so that all may be saved. He did not desire to make a big spectacle of his accomplishment fearing that we would miss the point [love love love]. He humbled himself and put himself aside, and I believe that is what we are also called to do. I am not looking for a great defense of the Army and a long list of achievements or accomplishments, nor am I prepared to defend myself in the face of criticism by explaining how I am all big and bad because of what I have done and attempting to compare myself to others. I am reminded of what Derek Webb said when he was here last week. He spoke about the story of the rich young ruler, emphasizing the fact that above and beyond it being a story of wealth and the unwillingness to give it up, the reality is that if we choose to follow Christ, we must be willing to give up all things ['even if you have given it all up and decided to live in the poor areas but have developed a spiritual pride and arrogance as a result, God may call you to live in the suburbs to get over that' he said] for the sake of Christ. He explained the inherent responsibility of all Christians to be in the business of loving our neighbor, and the reality that all peoples of the earth are to be considered as our neighbor's. It involves a denial of self, realizing that, just like the people in the world who need to see and understand God's love, we too are broken people in need of a Savior, Teacher and Friend; we are nothing and can do nothing without his love. In the end, we are credited as righteous in the eyes of God and that is not dependent on our actions. Aaron ended his comment by saying 'We are genuinely seeking Christ and his kingdom, and trying to encourage others to do the same. So are you. Let's celebrate that.' Amen. I could not agree more. You are right (Aaron), we all do things differently, and so what indeed. I am not down with the Army terminology and am not down with the Army's self-appreciation [and all the 'we're doing this or that, what are you doing? get off your ass and do something' last time I checked, I don't really know most of these people so it boggles my mind how these kind of assumptions can be made]...so what? If we truly are all about Christ and the kingdom, then what the heck does it matter what I say about the Army or [I ask myself as well] what the Army is doing good, bad or indifferent? As believers, our standing with Christ is secure and not dependent on our actions. All that we do is meant to spring out of a deep love for God and for our neighbor. I know I am just one small part of the grand story that God is authoring in this world, and I am not about to attempt to crown myself as righteous and holy because of all of the great things I do. I know myself, and I can be a real judgmental and selfish jackass sometimes. [but I know that I am loved by God...we all are, regardless of what we have done, good or bad. that's the whole point, that is the real revolution. that when we were dead in sin, Christ loved us.] I don't think I really want to be a revolutionary. I just want to walk humbly with my God, going about his business wherever he leads me, giving him all the glory.

check the wattage

2005-09-14T17:25:00.000-04:00

Jer's site is back in full effect. Check out his latest post for some more on all this.

more on the revolution

2005-09-14T16:25:00.000-04:00

In speaking about 'revolution' [or revival as it was called in my day], it seems as though the dialect quickly turns to something like this: 'we are the blessed and chosen generation, we are going to do great things for God, we are going to change the world.' It seems to me [James really picked up on this in his comment, and for that I am thankful] that the concept of self is very much at the forefront of any kind of revolution talk. As James put it, "so much of this talk is really about us, and not about God, who should be the object of our faith, and whose mercy and kindness in Christ should be our only hope." God has indeed called us to love Him and love our neighbor with fervor and zest, but along the way it seems as though we have made it all about us and forgotten that we would be nothing without His great love, mercy and grace. Not only that, but this kind of language, in the context of one particular denomination crying it out loud for the world to hear, does a disservice to those who have come before and to the body of Christ as a whole; for we are all [it doesn't matter what church you go to] partners in sharing the good news, and that responsibility is by no means reserved for one denomination nor is it reserved for any one point in history. Please don't misunderstand. I am genuinely glad that God is working in the lives of Army young people, as much as I am glad when anyone grows deeper in their love for Christ. It's just the sense of self-appreciation that is hard to take; that God needs 'us' to change the world. God has already brought the revolution in and through the person of Jesus Christ [and He will of course come again]; what more do we think we can do that He has not already done? He already has changed the world forever, and countless numbers of Christians have been demonstrating that in the way that they live for hundreds of years. Our generation is no different that any other; we are not called to change the world any more than any other group of Christians. Who are we to say 'I want this or that from God' or 'I am going to change the world'? [furthermore, I am struggling to see how singing those words can be viewed as 'worship' anyways...James picked up on that in his comment.] As Steve said, "I'm less concerned with the Army winning the world for Jesus vs. the church being the church in the world Jesus has already died for & claimed as his own." When did we lose sight of the humble simplicity of the gospel? I take back what I said; setting aside all denominational ties, all the labels and personal agendas and joining together as a unified body to love God and our neighbor...I don't think that is revolutionary. That is called obedience, and when it comes down to it, I think all God really wants from us is a humble heart; to set aside 'self' and love Him and my neighbor with my whole heart. [thanks to everyone who took the time to comment, I appreciated every one. I wish I could reply to each one specifically. Please keep it coming.]

do you want a revolution...[what, what?]

2005-09-13T12:42:00.000-04:00

It seems as though the buzz word in the Army these days is revolution [seems to be a more post-modern version of the other 'r' word that was bring tossed around circa 1999.] I have been reading different blogs and checking out the Army's new online youth magazine boundless and the word is all over the place [even nicely packaged on book and cd covers for a bargain price.] I even heard of a Starfield song modified Army so that the words are 'I want blood, I want fire, I'm a revolution.' Yes, it does sound a bit odd, not just to me. My beef with all of this is that in my estimation, one of the biggest steps to any kind of revolution in the church would have to start with a step towards unity. I was speaking to my wife and a very good friends last night while sitting at East Side's and the conversation turned to the Army. Quickly, as I have done so often in the past, I began my explanations of why the Army does this or that, but found myself slowly drowning in the tediousness of the venture. Other Christians just don't get the Army; they don't understand the terminology, the whole idea of ranks, and especially the disregard for the sacraments. And to be frank, after 20 or so years really deep into the Army, I don't get it either. And so, with that said, it boggles my mind how those in the Army think they have any hope of 'revolutionizing' the world when they so eagerly and sharply separate themselves from the body as a whole and thus do a disservice to the cause of Christ. Please don't assume that the Army is all big, bad and set apart from the rest of the church, nor does it have any more responsibility than any other group of Christians. In response to a comment I made here, one gentleman responded 'who better to lead the cry for unity in the church than the army?' From my vantage point, I would say how about anyone who professes to follow Jesus and truly desires to stand up for what He is all about? Does that involve many good Army people? Of course..but not at all reserved for it. The cause is not to bring people to know the Army [or any one kind of church] but to bring them to a knowledge of Christ and his love, which is for all people, so that they may be members of his body, the Church. Setting aside all denominational ties, all the labels and personal agendas and joining together as a unified body to love God and our neighbor - now THAT would be revolutionary.

so...now what?

2005-09-12T10:47:00.000-04:00

Right now, Lauren is at Tyndale for her first day of school, and I must say, I was a bit sad to see her walk out the door this morning. [I can only imagine what it will be like when we have kids...sniff.] We have been married for one month now, and we have been together virtually all the time since the wedding day, so it's a bit weird to be sitting in this basement all by myself. God has blessed us with a tremendous 4 weeks, allowing us the opportunity to go to Mexico, get settled in the new place and have some time to ourselves as we transitioned into married life. And now, as Lauren begins her last year at Tyndale, I am left waiting and wondering...just exactly what am I going to be doing this year? Now that reality has kind of set in, the temptation is to get all worried and scared, to stop trusting; to look way too far ahead and wonder how it's all going to come together. That's when God steps in and reminds me that he remembers. He knows me, knows my situation, knows my heart, my gifts and my abilities, and knows exactly where I am going to be at this year and every day for the rest of my life. And just as God reminds me that he remembers, he whispers in my ear 'remember me'. Thus, in the face of worry [which is really the easy way out], God reminds me to keep trusting, to take a stand against the devil's schemes and believe; to be still and know that He is God; and to know that He loves me and is always by [and on] my side. And that truth will carry me through today, and tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life.

weekend update [aka the haps]

2005-09-12T10:46:00.000-04:00

Imagine my delight when I discovered that the new NHL game was already on the shelves at EB games. Naturally, I asked Lauren if we could make the 1/2 hour walk to the nearest mall and pick it up immediately. [the trade off was that I had to make the walk home carrying an 8 piece pots and pans set, but it was totally worth it.] This game is so fun, and it's awesome to be playing with the new look rosters [which, for the most part, were accurate] and the new rule changes [i actually got called for playing the puck too far out of my crease.] All I really have to do is create Sidney Crosby and figure out how not to make every goalie in the game look like a Vezina candidate, and I am all set. On Saturday, Lauren and I hit up Wonderland. I hadn't been there since my first week at Tyndale, so I was pumped. We went on all the good rides [minus the new Italian Job due to ridiculous line length.] I even talked Lauren into facing her fears and joining me on my rookie fall on the Drop Zone. The new Tomb Raider ride is pretty fun too, going head first. Yesterday was fun because we had some friends over for the first time. We hadn't seen them since the wedding so it was good to catch up. I also decided that [thanks in part to my Dad and his sending me the weekly newsletter] I am going to follow the Bills this year. They are pretty much the local team here in Toronto, and all that we really get on TV. I still dig the Pats [who wouldn't] but my Dad and I always watched the Bills, so I am kind of getting nostalgic on my NFL coverage I guess. And there you have it.

oops...[another edition of the haps]

2005-09-09T11:43:00.000-04:00

I lied. I was at Tyndale yesterday and picked up the new Donald Miller piece, and dove right in. I said I was taking a break from the Christian non-fiction, but I just didn't feel like waiting around on this one. And I am lovin' it [JT style] already. I am sure I will post about that at some point. Right now, I am waiting on a couple employment options, challenged by d.webb to really seek out something that will be in tune with the call to love my neighbor. I don't want to settle for something crappy just to bring in some coin. Lauren and I are really trying to commit this to prayer, trusting that God will open the right door and make it clear where He wants me to be. Not really worried about it, just getting a bit antsy, ready to get going on something. The options in the works are all sweet opportunities, and I am excited to see how it will all play out. It has been awesome to have some time to get set up and transition into married life, a blessing really. I think we are hitting up Wonderland tomorrow, so that should be awesome. I haven't been there in a few years. Other than that, not too much going on. Oh, Lauren and I had started one of those one-year Bible plans, figuring it was a good thing to do during our first year of marriage. Quickly we saw the danger of it becoming something we do to keep up or because we have to, so we pulled the plug on that. Now we are going cover to cover, taking the time to soak it all in and enjoy it. Seems like a better way to go at this point. And that, my friends, is the haps....

the barbarian way

2005-09-07T21:46:00.000-04:00

Over the past couple days, I have read this little book called The Barbarian Way [author of Uprising] which I borrowed from the church library. After reading A Generous Orthodoxy, I was just about ready to take a break from the Christian non-fiction, but it's short and I nabbed it from the church library, so I just jumped right in. The basic idea of the book is a call for Christians to cut loose from the 'civilized' way of the faith that has become the norm today and reclaim the ancient, primal and dangerous faith of John the Baptizer, Jesus, his disciples and the early church. It is a call to put aside safety and comfort and to live a life of faith defined by a willingness to follow Christ at all cost. This quote kind of typifies the tone of the book.

We've created a religious culture in which - even though we're the most blessed society in the history of the planet - our best selling literature focuses on how we can be more blessed. Maybe we need to step way back to the beginning of this movement. The original call of Jesus was so simple, so clean, so clear: "Follow me." He wants us to surrender our lives to Him and to follow him into the unknown. And if it means a life of suffering, hardship and disappointment, it will be worth it because following Jesus Christ is more powerful and fulfilling than living with everything in the world minus Him.

He focuses in on the story of John the Baptizer, the one who rejoiced at Jesus' birth while in the womb, the witness to the stunning events at Jesus' baptism, and how even he had it asked of Jesus if he really was the one they were waiting for. How does that make sense? Shouldn't John know that? Well, yes. But in the hands of one who was about to kill him, John was holding out the hope that Jesus was going to come and save him from death. Jesus responds by saying, in effect, that even though many great things were happening [the blind coming to see, the poor hearing the good news, lepers healed etc], God had a different plan for John. And if John, in the face of death, chose not to fall away, he would be blessed. John had not been saved from death and suffering, but he had fulfilled God's purpose for his life. One final thought from this book, and it's about the rhino. Rhinos are incredibly strong and fast, yet can't see very far ahead of them. At full speed, they are a force, yet they remain uncertain of what is right in front of them. We, as Christians, have been given a huge responsibility, to love. United together, at full speed, we are an unstoppable force. Should we remain docile and quiet, not willing to leave the comfort of the stale waters around us, and thus fail to make an impact? Or should we put our feet in the dirt, look ahead and get going full speed on this mission even though we can't see what lies ahead? "We need to stop wasting our time and stop being afraid of what we cannot see and do not know. We need to move forward full force because of what we do know." What is it that we can be certain of? That we are loved by God, and that he has commanded us to love Him and to love our neighbor...no matter what the cost. A pretty good little book. Now, it's time to retreat from the Christian non-fiction for just a little bit. War and Peace, anyone?

derek webb

2005-09-07T16:30:00.000-04:00

Last night Lauren and I had the opportunity to see Derek Webb at Tyndale. This was a very exciting thing for me, having been a big fan of the tunes ever since my good friend Jeff introduced me to Caedmons Call. In fact, on our very first date, both Lauren and I expressed our mutual appreciation for Caedmons, so it was kind of special for us to get to see d.webb in person. The music was awesome, as the man is straight up gifted and anointed in his ability to sing/play guitar, and especially in his lyrics. [It was cool because he opened it up for a couple requests, so I had to take the opportunity to request my all time favorite Caedmons song Somewhere North, and I was grateful for his willingness to comply. I used that song kind of as the theme when I proposed to Lauren, presenting to her a picture of me as a young boy full of hopes and dreams, now desiring to offer her my life and all I have as her husband.] As Lauren and I walked home, however, what we talked about most was not the music, but the message. He explained that his new CD is entitled Mockingbird, representing the fact that mockingbird are unable to sing a song of their own; they literally mimic the songs of the birds around them. The point of all that is as Christians, we are to be mockingbird, singing the sweet song of Christ as we constantly echo his message of loving our neighbor. [this truth is hitting me from all sides these days, and I am thankful for that, especially as I consider what I want to be doing now and in the future.] Towards the end of the concert, he shared some of where his heart is at in terms of tangibly demonstrating love to our neighbor. He shared a bit about blood.water ministry which was started by Jars of Clay in an attempt to build 1000 fresh water wells in the dirt poor areas of Africa. His message really touched my heart in a couple of ways. He said that too many Christians get so wrapped up in the moral issues [drinking, smoking, pre-marital sex etc.] that we lose sight of what is truly important; in other words, we don't take the time to consider that which Christ clearly did command us because we get lost in debating and battling within ourselves whether or not God still loves us when we sin. [One theme that constantly runs through d.webb's songs is the reality that we have been set free. It caused me to consider how much better things would be if I could just get it in my head that God loves me, that I have indeed been set free and that I am seen as righteous in the eyes of God; nothing I can do can make him love me any more or less.] He reiterated the story of the rich young ruler, emphasizing the fact that above and beyond it being a story of wealth and the unwillingness to give it up, the reality is that if we choose to follow Christ, we must be willing to give up all things ['even if you have decided to live in the poor areas and have developed a pride and arrogance as a result, God may call you to live in the suburbs to get over that' he said] for the sake of Christ. He explained the inherent responsibility of all Christians to be in the business of loving our neighbor, and the reality that all peoples of the earth are to be considered as our neighbor's. All of these words cut deep as Lauren and I begin our new life together and begin to manage our resources. We asked on the way home what exactly we should be doing, a question which we hope will never really go away and that we can constantly be open to the Spirit moving in our lives as he inspires us to find the appropriate answer at any given time. It was just so awesome to be there, a huge encouragement to me [both of us] in light of where I am at in my faith and in my search for learning how to live it out. If God is telling me anything these days, I know it is love me, and love your neighbor...now.

A Generous Orthodoxy

2005-09-05T17:22:00.000-04:00

I just finished this book by Brian McLaren [no relation?] and I wanted to share some thoughts on it while it's still fresh. I was pretty excited to read this book [and very happy to have found it half price at a used bookstore], having heard good things about it and the author in general. This book really got me thinking about the various aspects and branches of Christianity, and I guess one can conclude that the 'emerging' church [which I had never really known much about before reading this book] can be seen as the building on a generously positive portrayal of each and moving forward under the banner of 'loving God and our neighbor' while doing all we can to erase the dodginess that has occurred in the name of Jesus over the past 2000 years. No doubt quite the undertaking [if even at all possible], but inspiring none the less. In light of my recent questioning of the 'why's' in terms of my upbringing in the church and where I am at currently in my life, this book, if anything, caused me to consider that I am by no means bound to any one particular denomination, nor is it necessary to pit churches against one another in terms of who's right and wrong. No, we are all the church and we all have much to learn from one another, for better or worse. There were a couple things that really stood out to me in this book, the first being McLaren's reiteration that Jesus is not only Savior, but also Lord and master/teacher. Too often, Jesus is seen as the personal Savior, skewing how we see our relationship with him in terms of how he teaches us and leads us to share his love with all people. We think [and I have been guilty of this] that as long as we are set, then everything else is gravy. No...we must be concerned about justice on earth because Jesus is not just my personal Savior, he is the Savior of the whole world. I had never really been taught the value of this, sadly. [sounds strange having grown up in the Salvation Army that I wouldn't have a better understanding on this, considering they are right now so prevalent in the relief efforts in the states. unfortunately, too often the social services and the church aspects of the Army are polar opposites.] I am beginning to see all of Jesus' actions and teaching in a whole new light; not just in terms to how to it relates to my personal faith, but the example he provided in terms of how I am to live in this world. [better late than never i suppose...] This was huge for me. About the whole emergent thing, it does kind of resonate with me these days. The growing and developing wherein what has come before is not replaced nor rejected but embraced and turned into something bigger. It's not about being able to boast about being the highest form of Christian or finally 'getting it right', but rather building on all that is good about church, learning from the bad and growing into a body that can effectively and meaningfully display what it means to love God and our neighbor. I have experienced the Christian life in the context of the Salvation Army, and whereas I previously viewed it in a negative light and was glad to have left, I now see that I have much to learn from and appreciate about that heritage [both positive and negative], so that I may build on it and continue on in the journey set on continually growing in my love for God and for my neighbor, in whatever church context I find myself in. In the end, it really doesn't matter; there is some good and some not so good virtually everywhere you turn, unfortunately. However, above all denominational ties, above even being labeled as a Christian, we are citizens of the kingdom of God whose banner is love. And that is what truly matters. I'm sure there are different opinions on this book, and that some [if not many] points therein have been debated. When it comes down to it, there really is no debating the importance of love, and if anything, this book has inspired me to love God more deeply and to display love in meaningful ways to my neighbour. For that, I am thankful. [Now, on to the next book, but I can't decide betwen War and Peace and Grapes of Wrath.]

the hurricane

2005-09-04T12:30:00.000-04:00

I had begun to write about the hurricane and its aftermath, the things I have seen on TV, questions that have been raised in my mind, Kanye West's comments and the apparent underlying theme of racism that has been prevalent over the past week. But I stopped because I came to realize that really, I have absolutely no ground on which to stand in this whole conversation. I have no idea what it is like to be in a situation like that, to not have the resources to fell impending tragedy, to be stranded amidst such terrible conditions, to be fighting for the survival of my family, to be without food and water and power, to be labeled as a refugee and to be on the short end of the stick in the context of all the history that surrounds the treatment of African-Americans in the southern United States. [I also have no idea what goes into the logistics of trying to organize help in this kind of situation.] In fact, I don't really know what to think about it all. It is just an incredibly sad situation [a scene of devastation which is, of course, not all that uncommon in most parts of the world but has been seriously played up because of it occurring in the US], and I am left to wonder what my reaction [as a 25 year old middle class Canadian Christian white boy] to all this is to be.

the zoo

2005-09-02T15:13:00.000-04:00

One of the things that both Lauren and I were pretty pumped about experiencing upon our return to the t-dot was a trip to the zoo. So, that's exactly where we went yesterday, and we covered pretty much every display that place has to offer. And let me tell you, those crazy animals did not disappoint. The highlight for me at the zoo is always the monkeys. [allow me to interject here and say that, while the monkeys were awesome, the giraffes stole the show on this day. let's just say that we and hundreds of other zoo enthusiasts witnessed quite the rendezvous between the male and female giraffe, surely prompting quite a few discussions about the birds and the bees for countless families on the drive home. trust me, I have a great pic to prove it, but am not convinced it's entirely appropriate to post on the blog due to its graphic content. but if you're ever over, I will not hesitate to show it.] The monkeys are great though. First, we saw one orangutan putting on quite the show with a blanket in his cage, putting it over his head and raising his arms, walking around like he was pretending to be a ghost. Classic. Another monkey was getting all ticked off that all these kids were putting their greasy little faces right against the glass cage that he wound up and smacked the glass. Awesome. But apart from the comedy these little primates provided, they also taught me a great lesson about servanthood and friendship. At times, we would see a couple monkeys just lazing around together, and quite suddenly one would tap the other and right away the tapped one would get up and start picking through the others hair looking for dirt or fleas. Rather than just brushing him off and continue lying around, the response was immediate, swift and thorough. Here are a couple pics to illustrate what I'm talking about. Here we see one monkey taking the time to sift through the other's hair, from head to toe [and everything in between.] At the faintest of requests, the monkey drops everything he is doing and steps to the plate for his friend. In wathing this scene unfold, these monkeys reminded me of the importance of meaningful response and of really truly being there for someone. On one hand, the first monkey demonstrated vulnerability in even asking for help in the first place and allowing another to pick at him like that. Then, the one doing the help does everything he can to help, staying with it until the job was done, going into the dark areas and making sure it was all clean. When someone shares a need, I need to do more than just say 'you're in the prayers'. I need to take the time right away to say 'you know what, let's pray right now...and what else can I do?' It's about really being there for someone, helping to bear the load for them, taking the time to help clean up the situation with them. That's what love is, right? Laying down our lives for others. [I understand that this may be a reach or just another cheeseball Christian illustration, but honestly, this is the kind of friend I want to be, and if it took a couple poo-flinging monkeys to remind me of that, so be it.]

the haps

2005-08-31T16:28:00.000-04:00

I would like to now introduce a brand new blog segment known as the haps. This will be a periodic update on what I [and we] have been up to around here. So, let's get to it... Yesterday, Lauren and I hit up the Rainbow to cop a viewing of the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory joint, and to be honest, it was quite enjoyable. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I really liked [a bit lower than loved] it. It was just very entertaining and fun, and the musical numbers were fantastic. [I am not quite sure what to do with the Mexicanesque oompaloompas, and perhaps I will expand on that when I get around to talking about the trip to Mexico]. Anyways, that was a nice [and cheap] treat for us after the week that was getting this place in shape.

Lauren and I have also started a one-year Bible reading plan, something we both thought would be most beneficial to us in the first year of marriage, a good habit to get into. It has been a rich and rewarding time for us, and it all tied in nicely as I was reading A Generous Orthodoxy last night before bed. I haven't had much time to sit down and flush out my thoughts on this book, but I am really enjoying it and it is causing me to think hard about many aspects of my faith. Anyways, last night I read the chapter on being biblical and how the basic purpose of scripture is to equip God's people to live out their lives in meaningful ways, making an impact on others. It really put into perspective this recent dive into the Word, that it is not for the sole purpose of reaching a goal, but learning more about how God has worked in history and how we as newlyweds fit into his story. [I hope to get more into this book soon here on the blog, so stay tuned].

Other than that, I am just waiting on a couple job opportunities, and Lauren and I are hoping to hit up the Zoo and Wonderland in the next few weeks.

Oh, and quick poll question: Lauren and I are getting each other magazine subscriptions, and I am having a hard time choosing between Slam and The Hockey News. Please help me choose asap.

And that is the haps.

[Lauren and I have also been watching coverage of the hurricane. I can't remember a story like this where it seems that every day things get worse and not better. It is hard to watch, and we have and will continue to be praying for this situation. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in that area.]

the wedding day

2005-08-31T16:10:00.000-04:00

As Lauren and I prepared for our wedding, our desire for that day was three-fold: a) that our wedding would be an encouragement to believers in that it would be a testimony of and bear witness to the great love of God that has brought us together and is the foundation of our marriage; b) in the same way, that it would impact the lives of those in attendance who do not know that Lord; and c) that we [and all the guests] would truly be enjoy the day in the fullest sense of the word. I hope that in all three areas, we were in some way successful. All I know is that for Lauren and I, it was for real the greatest day of our lives. Allow me to give a brief rundown...[mostly from my viewpoint because, of course, there is lots that the groom is not privy too during the morning hours as it pertains to the bride and her preparations]. My groomsmen and I rolled out of bed circa 9am, and drove off to enjoy a delightful breakfast at Eggcetera. I chowed down on some french toast, my appetite somewhat hampered by the excitement that was brewing. We went back to the hotel and watched a little Good Will Hunting, showered, got all pimped out in the tuxes and headed over to Parkwood. Mike and I kicked it in the basement and prayed a bit as all the guests arrived, and then all the groomsmen came down for a pre-game hug session. After a prayer from the pastor and a viewing of the awesome video that the new step-dad in law had made, it was game time. There were two things on my mind as I stood up there waiting for Lauren to make her way down the aisle. One, I was wondering what the tear situation would be, if I was going to cry at the sight of my beautiful bride and if I had enough Kleenex. Two, my deepest fear would be that the 3 am bedtime would catch up with me and I would drop a yawn during the ceremony. Both never happened, and as I saw Lauren come down that aisle I was just too happy to cry. The ceremony went by a lot faster than I thought it would, but was everything we could have imagined. I just remember looking into Lauren's eyes during the vows and thanking God for this incredibly beautiful woman and for the reality of his abiding presence among us, which was very evident in those moments and that we very much need each day to help us keep those vows. It was kind of funny because as we kneeled down to do communion, we realized that the bun was MIA. oops. It was still a meaningful time of reflection and prayer as Jeff and Jay sang. As we walked back down the aisle after it was all said and done, we were both just so happy that we were finally husband and wife. Words can't express the sheer joy in that moment, but hopefully it was evident just by looking at us. The ceremony was truly all that we had envisioned it would be and more, and I hope that it was an honest reflection of the deep love Lauren and I have for each other and for God. Next we moved into the paparazzi session known as wedding picture time. For the results, again I direct your attention here. Our photographer made it actually pretty fun, and there are some very creative and unique pics in the bunch. Here are a couple of my early favorites.

Then, it was reception time. I must stress the reality that this was shaping up to be such a fun day, and the dinner/dance was straight up good times. The hall looked great, the food was outstanding, the speeches were funny and touching [for me, this is where the tears started a'flowin, especially when it came time for Lauren and I to rock the mic], and the dance was one of the most enjoyable wedding dances I have been a part of. I mean, there were friends of ours out there who I had never seen dance in public, and there were the life of the show. It was pure jokes. Everyone seemed to have a great time, and that for us was key.

Basically, it was just the best day of all time and truly all that Lauren and I could have imagined it to be. We are so thankful for all who were there to share it with us, and pray that those joyful memories remain with us always.

all the kings horses and all the kings men...

2005-08-29T16:35:00.000-04:00

Lauren and I have been blessed through the wedding process with so many awesome gifts. We have just been blown away by people's generosity, and we are so very thankful for it all. At the same time, to be honest, the mass influx of all this new stuff has been a bit overwhelming, especially while in the process of trying to find a place for it all. But now that it's all put away, we are now starting to enjoy all this cool stuff. One thing in particular that Lauren and I were pretty pumped about was this awesome sandwich maker that we got. Last night, we busted it out and Lauren put together the most mouth watering, beautiful sandwiches I had ever seen. We were so excited to sit down and chomp into these little wonders. Just as we were about to sit at the table, however, we hear this crash, and we rushed to the kitchen to witness a horrible sight; the sandwich maker was on the floor in a heap, having toppled off our limited counter space. Luckily, with a little patch work, it will live to see another day and make another sandwich. But the significance of this little mishap was not lost on these newlyweds. At first, we were saddened by the reality that we had faced the first [almost] casualty of our new stuff. But then we came to the [supremely more important] realization that, as thankful as we are to have received all these items, in the end, none of them were made to last. At one point in time, they will all break and need to be replaced. It was so awesome to be reminded of the fact that all we have together is founded upon and defined by the unbreakable love of God and nothing else; unlike kitchen appliances, God's love will never perish, spoil or fade. It's so refreshing to receive a healthy dose of perspective sometimes, am I right?

the pre-wedding

2005-08-25T17:24:00.000-04:00

The week before the wedding was pretty chill, really. Lauren and I had been on top of it all year long, so there weren't really any major things we had to get done. A few errands here and there and some serious Weather Network watching were pretty much the order of every day. Thursday was guys day [unfortunately I wasn't able to lend my expertise at the church when it came time to decorate] and that involved going to the Jays game [which was crazy fast, by the way] and supper at the Great One's [restaurant, not house like I hoped]. That was tres fun, and I was blessed with the gift of a batting cage ball clubbed by Alex Rios from my good friend/wedding party member/fastest groundskeeper on earth, Nathan Betts. [one button? two? please?] So that was all pretty awesome, hanging with the wedding party guys, the guys in my family and the j-man. Once friday rolled around, there was really not too much to do. I relaxed around the house most of the day, just waiting for the rehearsal to happen and hoping the rain would go away. After the rehearsal [which went tres smooth] we all headed back to Lauren's for some grub, and then me and the fellas headed off to the Ramada for the evening. That was such a fun night, everything you could ever ask for out of a guys night. Pizza, slurpees, sportscenter, jokes, farts, moobies and [confession time] some stoges. The crux of this particular entry is to pay homage to those guys. Everywhere I have gone in life for any long period of time - Ottawa, RLC, Sebago, Tyndale - God has blessed me with such quality friends, and I am so thankful that these five guys were willing to be there for me on this momentous day. Each one of them has touched my life in a special way [there was some bad touch as well that night..."i don't even know you that well"], and the whole wedding weekend was that much better because of their presence around me. So to Mike, Lewis, Nathan, Ryan and Tyler, I lift my spongebob slurpee cup and say a huge 'thanks for coming.' I love you guys. oh, and did you guys hear about Kenny Rogers? [we landed on the moon!!!] So the place is looking pretty sweet, almost guestable. It was in some rough shape when we moved in so there was some work to do. But it is awesome starting a new home with the wife. It is challenging at times learning how to be the head of the house, taking care of some things I previously took for granted living at home or in residence. For example, today I talked to maybe 12 phone company people trying to sort out a problem. Not fun, leading me to utter many an Uncle Jesse-like 'have mercy'. It's all a learning process, and despite the bumps, it is an unbelievably rich and rewarding process. Some developments on the job front as well, stay tuned.

back in the habit

2005-08-24T18:28:00.000-04:00

Welcome to vol. 2 of the basement times, marriage edition. The past couple weeks have been unbelievable. All of the events leading up to the wedding, the rehearsal night [which included an awesome time with my groomsmen chez Ramada], the wedding itself [otherwise known as the greatest day of my life], the honeymoon in beautiful Mexico, and now the moving and settling into the new crib in Toronto. All of this provided many bloggable moments, and over the next few weeks I hope to get to it as much as I can. I don't really even know where to start, other than to invite you to take a peek at the incredible day that was August 13th, 2005, as our photographer has posted around 500 wedding pictures here. I am very proud and blessed to be Lauren's husband, and I could not be more excited to be starting up the married life. Lauren and I both feel very blessed and are so pumped about the reality of God's hand upon our lives and to see where he is going to take us. I am pleased to have the blog up and running again. It was very worthwhile leading up to the wedding and I trust it will continue to be a good thing. I hope to be able to sit down and share some of the great stuff that has been going on. For now, feel free to check out the pics. Ian

peace out

2005-08-11T22:52:00.000-04:00

As of tonight, I am offically clocking out on the blog. It will [hopefully] be back up and running in a couple weeks, post-honeymoon/move. It's been a worthwhile venture for me over the past few months, and I am fully planning on keeping it going in the future. In the meantime, be sure to check out at least these two blog...

Jer's blog...hilarious podcast and some very good conversations from a wide range on perspectives on there.
stupidchurchpeople...I am loving this blog, just presenting real questions that need to be asked and thought about.

Also, I am thankful that my Bruins signed my man Joe to a long term deal before I leave. For some good hockey info [sometimes] before it happens, go here.

Alright...about 39 hours until the wedding!!! Catch you on the flipside.

IAN

the CHurch

2005-08-09T23:54:00.000-04:00

Working at Christian Horizons, you really have to get to know each individual in your program in order to gain a better understanding of how to meet their needs properly. Each individuals needs are so specific that even one deviation from their protocols could throw off their whole day and even taint how they portray you as a caregiver. They all like to do things a certain way, have their own specific routines and react differently to different circumstances. Their particular diagnoses are very defined, and you can read all about it in their bios, but it is imperative that you really spend some quality time with them and get to know them in order to fully understand how to effectively serve each individual. The term CH uses is 'person centred support'; learning how to meet each individuals needs in personally meaningful ways. It really got me to thinking about the uniqueness of each one of us. God has created us as individuals, with different desires and needs, different ways of expressing ourselves, different ways of doing things, different ways of relating to people, different reactions to circumstances. This begs the question as to whether or not the church does enough to appreciate individuality, or does the church indeed stifle individuality and expect everyone to fit into the same mold? Do we sometimes only expect individuals to serve the purposes of the church on Sunday, or are we truly concerned with meeting the needs of each individual every day of the week? I don't really have an answer. All I know is that I learned so much about how to meet the needs of others and gained an appreciation of individuality while serving those men in a townhouse over the past 8 months, and I'm not so sure I can say that about time I have spent in church. Just something I was thinking about in the car driving to Guelph on Sunday. 4 days until the wedding!!! Things are coming along really well, and we are both very excited. Please pray for us if you think of it, that would be really awesome.

last day in Ottawa

2005-08-06T14:47:00.000-04:00

Well, one week today and LAUREN AND I WILL FINALLY BE GETTING MARRIED!!! Wow, I can't even believe that it's finally here. All my crap is packed up and ready to go, and tomorrow I am heading to Guelph to be with my soon-to-be-wife to help put the finishing touches on the wedding. Since I am leaving, this might be the last blog entry I will ever write from the basement of my parents house. Vol. 2 of the basement times will pick up once we get settled into the apt and where I'm sure I will continue to have questions/thoughts that I will be able to share on the blog. I am so pumped to start new chapter in my life... Yesterday was my last shift at Christian Horizons here in Ottawa, and I must say it was kind of sad. It has been a joy (most of the time) to serve those men. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't extremely challenging, but I learned so much about relying on God to get me through every situation. Those men really showed me that value of not taking for granted the little things in life, and gave me such an appreciation for what I do have and what I am capable of doing. They also taught me that no matter who we are, we all need help from other people. Driving home, I was getting scared just knowing that this door was closing and I really have no idea what I am going to be doing once Lauren and I get settled in Toronto. As I prayed, God reminded me of the words that he spoke to Joshua as he was on the cusp of a new challenge, and that was huge. I don't need to be afraid because God will be with us every step of the way. I don't know really what else to write. My mind is always on the go these days and it's hard to focus my thoughts for more than 20 minutes at a time without jumping to something completely different. All I know is that I am so pumped for all that the next couple weeks has in store. The wedding, Mexico, moving into the new place...never again will I experience a time in my life like I will in the next couple weeks. There is of course some sadness in the permanence of leaving home. I have pretty much lived in Ottawa all my life, and I'll miss my family. But, I am totally looking ahead with great anticipation and excitement to beginning my life with Lauren. Well, that's about it I guess. I will try to update this week from Guelph, and I'll be all over the blog for sure once we get to Toronto.

2005-08-05T10:38:00.000-04:00

My good friend Tyler Thrasher got married on July 9th, and I finally have some pics to share from that joyous occasion. It was my first public appearance busting out the contacts. It was an awesome day, and I was blessed to have been a part of it, and thankful that Ty is going to be one of the groomsmen for our wedding. Here I am with my beautiful wife-to-be posing for the obligatory 'before you leave the house' shot.

2005-08-05T10:36:00.000-04:00

Here is Lauren and I, getting primed for our photog session that is rapidly approaching.

2005-08-05T10:34:00.000-04:00

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Tyler Thrasher

[more] looking for questions

2005-08-03T22:40:00.000-04:00

The church doesn't provide the answers, it kills the questions.

This is an outstanding quote taking from the podcast I listened to yesterday, and the more I think of it, the more that rings true. Until recently, I had never before really questioned what church was for, what it is supposed to look like. These days, it seems as thought the common formula for Christian success is to get involved in church; to be immersed in programs and random small groups, to be entirely faithful and never losing sight of the goals for the church. As I mentioned in a comment earlier, I haven't been a regular attendee/member of one single church for about 5 years now. I had moved away from a heavy dose of church programs and regular meetings. However, my faith has come alive in that time through being able to live in community while at school, through meaningful, tight, trust building small groups, through open, questioning discussions with like-minded Christian friends, and through my relationship with my soon-to-be wife. [I bold those words to highlight their significance and the fact that I believe that these things are key in terms of what the church should look like]. And like I said, through all of those things, I am now coming to a point where I am beginning to ask the questions I thought I already had the answers for, and I think they come out of being able to step away from the chains of churches and really digest what I have experienced to uncover where I am going. The key is to be in a situation where questions are allowed to come out without fear of being labeled a doubting Thomas or an unfaithful church member. I'm realizing through all this blog stuff that, while my questioning began focused on the Army, it does go much deeper and is much bigger than that. I am thankful for the people who have taken the time to comment, whether supportive of the questions or defensive; it has given me some much needed perspective. All I know is that it is ok to ask questions, to challenge that which we have always been taught or have thought to be true and right. I, for one, love it. It is much more exciting that just accepting the status quo.

looking for questions

2005-08-02T13:44:00.000-04:00

I just listened to a couple podcasts from stupidchurchpeople, one in regards to the issue of swearing and the latest on where they discussed the different reactions to those Christians who have begun to question the church as it stands today and whether or not the way to evoke change is from the inside or the outside. It is so encouraging because lately, in the midst of the conversations on this and other blogs, I have at times felt as though it was wrong to question how I was raised in the church, that I am a bad Christian because I had decided that the church in which I grew up was not for me. The one part of this podcast that encouraged me the most was just the affirmation that it is ok question the merits of 'church' as it is today in our North American culture, and that it's ok not to have all the answers about our faith and how we are to live it out. It's a great place for me to be at this time in my life, reaching a point where I no longer feel that I need to have all the answers, but rather finally being free and able to ask the right questions. Check these guys out and let me know what you think.

Weekend update

2005-08-01T20:30:00.000-04:00

The blog had been out of commission over the weekend as I was in g-town helping put the finishing touches on the wedding. Thus, I haven't really been able to sit down and write anything too deep lately. But, there have been some interesting, not-so-profound happenings in my life, which I would now like to share:

My good friend (and groomsman) Ryan recently returned from a month long trip to Australia where he attended the Hillsong conference. We got together to catch up last week, and it was awesome to hear about his trip, how the church works over there and what God taught him and showed him through the experience. He also brought me back a copy of the new Hillsong CD. I know people have different views on Hillsong, but I for one very much enjoy the tunes they produce, and appreciate having that music with me in the car as I have made the numerous drives from Ottawa to Toronto/Guelph this past year. I love taking that alone time and just singing praise to God and lifting up some prayers. So, it was nice to have something new to listen to for my last trip to Guelph before I head there for the big day.
Lauren and I watched a couple movies over the weekend - The Village and Million Dollar Baby. We had never seen the village before, mostly because whenever I picked it up at the Buster some random stranger would come up to me and say how horrible it was. However, we were both pleasantly surprised with how good it was, and I was struck with how applicable it is to Christian communities and the Christian life. (for some good thoughts on that, check out my friend Chris Lewis' blog). Both of these movies really made me think really hard about the issues they addressed. I am not sure what to do with Million Dollar Baby yet...that's a sad one, with some very relevant issues. I'll get to writing about that some day I suppose. I recommend both if you haven't already seen them.
Jer had an interesting discussion about swearing happening on his blog. It really got me to thinking again about the issue of words v. actions, and more specifically how we use our words. It is interesting to get points of view from both Christians and non-Christians, something that sometimes is very much lacking. I do not advocate the use of swears, even though they do pop out from time to time...mostly the 's' word. As a couple people pointed out, it is important to check how we use our words to and about others, and that we are to be set apart, even in our speech. Check that out if you get some time. Also on Jer's blog, there is an outstanding link to stupidchurchpeople. I haven't had the time to look too deep into it, but there are some outstanding articles on there about the church today. Check that out if you get a chance and tell me what you find.
Lauren and I hit up this Swedish sensation on Friday to get some stuff to pimp out the new pad. Great store, fantastic deals. I got a nice little stand to put the TV on, all primed for Oct 5.
Speaking of sweet deals, I have finally got my hands on a copy of A Generous Orthodoxy. This book has been recommended to me left and right, and I was pumped to find it in a used bookstore in downtown Guelph for half price. I'll be honest, I do not really know much about the phenomenon knows as the emerging church, nor am I really familiar with the contents of the book apart from what some good friends have shared with me. All I know is that it really seems to resonate with what has been on my heart lately as expressesdhere on the blog. I am excited to dig into it.
And now on to hockey happenings...I saw a bit of the draft, nothing too exciting. I was happy to see the Bruins did well. Matt Lashoff is a blue chip d-man who was set back by a case of mono last year. Otherwise he would have been a top 10 pick. The Bruins made qualifying offers to key players, keeping Joe and Sammy for at least one more year. There are rumors out there that he may be traded, which may or may not be devastating to the Bruins and myself, depending on what they can get for him. I guess if he's going to leave next summer, might as well try to maximize the opportunity to get something in return. If the reports are true about what Iginla will be making, I don't think the offer the Bruins made to Joe is that off target. They did deal for Isbister today, a sold 3rd line player with some offensive potential, a possible 20 goal guy in a good year. It will be interesting to see how free agency/trades play out over the next month or so. I am glad to finally be able to talk hockey.

Anyways, that's all I got for now. Things are going to be crazy busy over the next couple weeks, not sure how much time I will get to blog. Hopefully I can share some of what is going on.

one love.

words v. actions (cont.)

2005-07-27T17:19:00.000-04:00

"They way in which we live our lives brings meaning back to our words."

Beautiful. I am so thankful for that my good friend took the time to write that comment. I have received insight into all this that I have been desperately looking for throughout this whole conversation. It has not been about cracking back on the Army for the negative things I have experienced therein, nor has it really been about debating the merits using the word 'covenant' or of soldiership v. baptism/communion. It is all about searching for meaning to all of the 'words' I have heard and been taught in terms of the Christian life, and searching for a way for me personally to bring meaning to those words through the way that I live. It is about coming back to the meaning of the ceremonies and rituals and discovering the mystery of Christ's love and being identified with that through them. Right now, the only constant starting point that I currently have is this: to love God with all my heart, and to love my neighbor as myself. We can put on the spiritual garb and blurt out the talk all we want; if it's not backed up by actions defined by love, it doesn't mean anything. I have been burned by thise before, and even today I was personally challenged in how my actions have not lived up to my words. That is hard to choke down. The reality is that the process of learning how to do that is inherently unique to each one of us, and it takes shape in many different ways. While it is true that love is to be the central overarching theme of the Christian life, it is also true that we do express that in different contexts, and I am learning more and more to accept that this is ok. While one way of living the Christian life wasn't a good fit for me, it is meaningful to others and I do appreciate that. One way is not better than the next, and love is more important than anything. I am thankful for the fact that God has led me down this road where I can see things in a new light and daily live out my love for him and for my neighbour in meaningful ways. As I have said before, the only true test of a genuine relationship with Christ is love, and I pray I would bring meaning back to that word through how I live my life.

Thanks again, j-dogg. Love ya man.

the crime of desensitization

2005-07-26T14:30:00.000-04:00

So I was watching the news last night and saw the story about the new movie which tells the tale of Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo. The movie, which stars That 70s Show's Laura Prepon as Karla will premiere at the Montreal International Film Festival next month. It has been banned from being shown in Ontario, is under protest by the families of the victims of the crimes commited by the infamous couple, and is of course being widely criticized. It got me to thinking about a few things. One, why in the world would anyone in their right mind think it is a good idea to make a movie about this story? How can anyone justify depicting these horrific, real life crimes? Second, it made me sad that I would be so disgusted about this when I myself have watched many a movie that depicts and even glorofies violence and murder. Why does it take a true, fresh story like this to get me all concerned about what will be in a movie when I have paid for and supported other ficitional movies which basically represent that same things? Consider me officially convicted and challenged in terms of this double standard and my acceptance of alleged 'entertainment' that displays on a grand scale acts of violence which sadly too many people have been affected by in the real world. May Romans 12: 1-2 become more and more of a reality in my life everyday. Still much more to think about and examine about myself and our culture, but this is a good start I think.

words v. actions

2005-07-26T14:18:00.000-04:00

I guess if there is anything to conclude at this point from this month long discussion re: covenant, Army pledge, baptism/communion etc. is that when it comes down to it, the only true test of a genuine relationship with Christ is love. That does not flow automatically out of being baptised or sworn in as a soldier, nor is it really something that we are capable of doing on our own. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. God loved us first, and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for all our sins; and henceforth, he calls us to be set apart and identified with him through means that were never meant to be self-serving, but in order that we may be identified with and engaged in sharing that love. And while words may have lost meaning and various spiritual rituals and ceremonies may indeed mean different things and take different forms for different denominations, the one overarching reality that is to define us all is the act of loving God and loving our neighbour. Still working through all of this, though. It is good.

Bruins rumor...

2005-07-25T13:22:00.000-04:00

Since hockey is back, and I love it, I'm going to devote more time to it on the blog. First of all, I read a rumor this morning that 2/3 of the famed Legion of Doom line might be reuniting as members of the Bruins. Johnny Vermont and Capt. Concussion, together again!!! While I would be worried about the Bruins dedicating too much bank to these older, injury prone guys, I do think it would be pretty awesome to see what they could do on a line together. Not bad for a second line. It is going to be crazy seeing where everyone ends up. Also, here in Ottawa, the Sens announced drastic reductions in ticket prices. In one section, you can go to a game for $13, and some lower bowl ticks have been reduced by 33%. That is a very sweet deal. Hopefully I can come home and work in a game sometime this season. And, very fittingly, the season opener will be a Battle of Ontario on Oct 5. hmmm...might have to have a little house warming/hockey party that night.

more thoughts on sacraments...

2005-07-24T21:30:00.000-04:00

Some good discussion has come from my question about baptism and communion, and I appreciate people taking the time. A couple things keep coming up so I wanted to take the time to comment further. First of all, it seems as though everyone has made some effort to reiterate the fact that baptism and communion are not essential for salvation. I think that most Christians know and understand that, so hopefully that need not be a part of the conversation anymore. In the context of the Army, I have read and been told that a) the Army does not do these things because they are not essential to salvation; b) sacraments are sometimes a hindrance to spiritual life, in that many people rely upon them rather than upon Christ; and c) just as some chuches utilize baptism/communion/etc, it is just as valid that The Salvation Army chooses to express the Spirit through soldiership/uniform/etc. The one somewhat astounding thing that I have read is in relation to how there are differences in how different churches do things. It has been said that "Things are valuable because we say they are valuable. Practices are meaningful because we think and believe they are meaningful." Here in a nutshell are some of the comments I have made to these things: First, I still struggle with the idea that the Army had problems with the way things were being done in terms of the sacraments, so they scrapped them and replaced them with a new set of ceremonies and rituals that essentially led to the return of many of the problems they were trying to avoid. Why bother going through all that trouble? Why not just set the example and do it right, helping to preserve and build up the church rather than creating a new one? To me, a verse like Ephesians 4:5 is intended to display that unity in the body of Christ is in part defined by the public identification of Christians as Christians by water baptism. While the pledge and the uniform are intended to identify Salvationists as followers of Christ, I am not sure how it promotes unity within the body of Christ at large. At the same time, I fully understand that in terms of the sacraments, it is the work of the Spirit and the love of Christ shining and working in and through us that identifies us as Christians, And that is not dependent on anything other than a willing heart, so perhaps my whole point is moot anyways. I appreciated this comment from another blog. All throught the scriptures God is concerned less with ceremony and more with the condition of the heart. Ceromonies are reminders of the past or of the promise of the future. Our military uniform should remind us of our current war with Satan and his army. The sacraments remind us of Christ's sacrafice and the promise of His return. Let us do all things in love for one another." (Please keep reading before rushing to that comment button in defense of the Army...) Secondly, I think it is incredibly dangerous to say that "things are valuable because we say they are valuable and practices are meaningful because we think and believe they are meaningful." While there may be differences in how different churches do things, those practices must be founded on biblical principles, and can only be seen as meaningful and valuable only in the context of scripture. We are all entitled to our personal convictions, but our guide must always be the Spirit of truth and not whatever our whim is at the moment. The Army is entitled to conduct the whole soldier deal just as other churches baptise; however, not because they say it is valuable, but only if they, in good conscience, believe that it is founded on biblical principle and in accordance with the work of the Spirit and the love of Christ. (And in saying that, I extend that to all churches and any practice that is partaken of in the name of Christ. That is not a crack on the Army by any means, just a context for my comment.) The more I think about it, the more I see that of course there is room for freedom in how we worship and work as a church in terms of our worship and service to God. There will always be debate and different ways of doing things, but surely we must always agree that the foundation must always be bibilical principle. At the end of the day, the Spirit working through us must be our guide and our conscience as we work through and hold on to our personal convictions, lovingly allowing others to work within theirs despite times of disagreement. I do believe God delights wholly in the unity of His people, and the foundation of that unity must always be love; love for God and for our neighbour. At the end of the day, the important thing is always to be living in a way that reflects the love of Jesus, despite any differences of conviction or opinion. Everything is to be defined by our love for Christ and for our neighbour. Hopefully we can all agreee on that. But please, I pray we all look to the truth of the Word as the basis for all we do in the name of Christ, not just what is meaningful on any given Sunday. (Hopefully this all makes sense, I am crazy tired right now.)

guess who's back, back again?

2005-07-22T19:23:00.000-04:00

Oh yes, it is official. HOCKEY IS BACK!!! If there is anything I have learned over the past 301 days sans hockey, it is that any other sport that I used to try to fill that hole just doesn't cut it. Over the years my fancy for basketball has grown stronger, but let's be honest...it always comes back to hockey. I heard a guy on the local sports talk station the other day talking about how in sports today (in life in general perhaps also), we have become a people who like to dabble as a fan of this or that. The true single minded sport fan has evaporated. So as of today, I declare that hockey is and always will be the object of my sporting affection. In the end, I really think this whole lockout business will be worth it. The NHL will be more solid because everyone will be on a level playing field, and the new rules will help to make the game more exciting. I am actually pumped to see a shootout. For real, how brutal is it to dish out some serious bank to go to a game that ends in a tie? And I really feel that the Penguins are a nice fit for the Crosby show. I mean, what other player would anyone rather watch him play alongside than Mario? (no...not Mats, but maybe Joe. well, actually maybe Patrice). It will help to revitalize a struggling franchise (much to the dismay of Winnipegians), and hopefully beef up the attention to hockey states side. And then there's my beloved Bruins, maligned in the old regime for simply not putting out enough coin to be the cream that rises to the top. It is going to be interesting to see what kind of team they roll out on Oct 5, considering they currently only have 4 or 5 guys under contract. Feeding the max dough to Joe is a must, and we got some nice young guys who already have experience playing together last year in Providence. Either way, the Bruins will always have my undying loyalty, and stand tall in my heart above all sports team in every league as my #1. booyah. I hope they don't stinge out and that they become a responsibly capped out team. BUT, I am still sticking to my vow to retire from the realm of Yahoo fantasy sports, for all good things must still be dosed in moderation.

Either way, I am glad it's all over....and, GO BRUINS!!

just a quick question....

2005-07-22T19:15:00.000-04:00

In all the covenant/Army talk that has been going on, no one has really been able (or even attempted to) answer my question about baptism. It seems to me that any outward declaration of being covenanted with Christ is expressed through bapstism, and I have always been confused as to why the Salvation Army ignores this biblical rite and has chosen to create its own set of rituals instead. I blogged about this on June 14th if you want to get any context of where I am coming at this from, and am just throwing it out there again.

new links

2005-07-21T16:19:00.000-04:00

I have added links to a couple new blogs. They are friends from the RLC days, Jer Watt and Matt Pedlar. Check them out, I know they'll be good for some jokes.

we have an apartment!!!

2005-07-21T14:47:00.000-04:00

Praise the Lord!!! After weeks of scanning the classifieds and checking the online listings, and after viewing a few places that were...not so good, Lauren and I have FINALLY found a place to call home. It all happened like this. We had looked at a bachelor apartment that was in a decent location and somewhat workable for us, but the problem was that it was about the size of a shoebox and far too much money for what it is. But since time was running out, we thought maybe that was it. We went with Lauren's parents to look at it again, and on the side we hooked it up so we could look at another apartment since we were in Toronto anyways. And thank the Lord that we did, because this other place is AMAZING. This family just bought the house and are renovating the basement. It's just off Bayview and so close that Lauren can walk to Tyndale in maybe 10 minutes, so the location is perfect. It is a big space which is good for Lauren to have room to allow her creativity to flourish through decorating, and also to have some quiet space to work on papers. We'll be rocking new appliances, free cable and internet (and yes, I will be able to press on with the basement times...you know what they say, same shiznit, different basement). So Lauren went last night and got it all signed up, and we move in ONE MONTH TODAY!!! I'm not going to lie, I was starting to become a Worrying Waldo about it all, just very much wanting to get it all settled...so much so that we were prepared to live in this budget little hobbit hole. But God has demonstrated his faithful goodness once again, and Lauren and I could not be happier with this great place that we will soon be able to call our first home. Very VERY exciting!

joy in the RC...despite the 6-5 loss

2005-07-16T22:09:00.000-04:00

Tonight I received the blessing of free ticks to a Jays' game. It was the first time I have been able to hit up the newly dubbed/renovated Rogers Centre to catch a game in about 2 years, so I was pretty pumped. Suckily, the Jays lost to the incredibly brutal Devil Rays. But, it was still very fun, especially since my groundskeeper friend hooked Lauren's brother and I up with the unofficial move of the game from the bleachers to the 100 level. Although I was sad that Lauren had to work and couldn't come to the game, it was good to get a chance to kick back and take my mind off all of the details concerning the wedding and the apartment search. Yesterday was a particularly hard day, just with everything piled up on top of our shoulders. I am learning quick how important it is to simply trust God, approaching every situation with joy in my heart. And today, I praise God for those times where we can simply do something enjoyable and be refreshed, away from the busyness of life. He is so good and his blessings are manifested in countless ways. For me tonight, it was through street meat and Coke, a Jays game and some ice cream. Amen. So, thanks again Jigs. So very much appreciated. Love ya man. Oh, and it's clear that the Jays need a consistent big bat in their lineup. And a starting pitcher. Get on it, JP.

labelled by love

2005-07-13T10:30:00.000-04:00

If there is one thing that I am really becoming dismayed with these days in the church, it is the existence of labels which lead to pre-conceived notions and judgments and create a great sense of disunity within the church. I am reminded of the first weeks at Tyndale every year, when everyone was getting to know each other, and one of the first questions asked in this Christian game of small talk was "so, what church do you go to?" Automatically, whether you said you were Pentecostal, Baptist, United Brethren in Christ, or in my case Salvation Army, we all had in mind certain conclusions regarding that person simply based on their denominational background. (For me, actually, most people had no idea that the Army was a church or had never heard of it.) And as a result, we have been separately grouped into these denominational categories which alienate us one from another in what is supposed to be a unified, whole body of believers. We have all been placed in the kitchen cupboards of Christianity, each placed on the appropriate shelf according to the labels that have been placed upon us based on what church we attend. I wonder when we decided that the following statement just wasn't enough anymore: How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! That's all there is to it; that's the one true label that has been placed upon us, and all that we are and do is to flow out of that reality; our very being is to be deeply rooted in that truth alone. And, as a result, as Bill so wisely commented on another post the other day, "The only duty for a follower of Christ is Love God with your whole being and love your neighbor as yourself." What else really matters here, people? I am tired of this whole discussion on the Army and its covenant. Who needs it? God is so much bigger than all of that that, and the more we debate its merits and defend being in or out, the more we lose sight of what is truly important: LOVE!!! I believe that by casting judgment upon each other or alienating ourselves on from the other through deniminational labels, we are doing a great disservice to the call that the Lord has placed on us to love as a unified body of believers. Only by coming back to that central point, that great commandment of love, will we be able to rise above the labels, above the judgments, and above the denominational affiliations to come together as a truly unified body of believers, loved unconditionally by Christ, and intent on displaying that love to each other and to the world.

God will make us good...

2005-07-11T19:06:00.000-04:00

I am not quite sure where to go in the whole covenant discussion. It almost seems irrelevant now after most people have agreed that church covenants, including the Army pledge, are unecessary. However, it is argued that covenants are important in the way of guiding obedience and helping us on the road to holiness. But I am not sure why that is. Will I become more holy and obedient because I have signed up for it? No! Obedience comes from what God has already set in our hearts and minds through his covenant, and a total reliance on the power of his Spirit at work within us. The road to holiness is a process that works from the inside out; it comes from the heart and not from the mouth. It is not to be seen as a duty or an obligation based on what we have promised to him, but a desire that flows out of hearts that leads us to freely offer up our lives on a daily basis, growing closer to him. "(The Christian) does not think that God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because he loves us." (Mere Christianity, p.63) Sanctification is all about him and what he is doing in our lives. Again, I will say it is more important to sign off on all of our rights and give up making promises, and allow him to take over and fulfill his promises in and through us. My final point on covenant (for now) is that I believe that when we define our obedience to God in the form of a specialized document such as this, we not only create a false notion of what obedience unto God is, we alienate those who are outside of that particular covenant and create divisions within the church that has been called to be a unified body. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. * my life has been crazy busy lately. in the last week i have driven almost 2000km, been scratched up, bit and been involved in some crazy incidents at work, received the blessing of being able to share a meal with a very good friend and witness/be a part of the marriage of another, as well as trying to get things sorted out for the upcoming wedding and a move to toronto. it is all pretty exhausting but so fun and exciting at the same time. so again i would ask that you would remember lauren and i in your prayers. thanks.

what i heard on the radio today...

2005-07-04T17:39:00.000-04:00

A respected talk show host here in Ottawa was commenting on the Live8 concerts over the weekend and how the underlying message of the festivities may have been slightly misguiding. He argued that the real problem in Africa is not a lack of foreign aid, since the West has been pumping billions of dollars into African countries for years. The real problem, he argues, is the governmental corruption that is so prevalent in Africa, citing the fact that $148 billion of our foreign aid money has been eaten up by corrupt leaders. Therefore, Sir Bob's suggestion that the G8 countries increase funding by raising taxes would be a waste, since those funds rarely if ever actually reach those in need. I wasn't too sure what to make of his comments, and I just throw out the question to you as to whether or not these comments have any merit, and what exactly we should be doing to help the problem of poverty in Africa. In all honesty, I wasn't very inspired by a bunch of celebrities holding hands and singing 'Hey Jude', and I was a bit thrown off by the fact that the Philly performers received $12,000 gift bags each. I don't know enough about the economics, nor have I been exposed to that kind of suffering. What I do know is that the entire continent needs to be bathed in prayer and effective ways of helping the situation need to be sought. I'm not sure feeding more money into the hands of corrupt leaders is the answer. Let me know what you think...

further thoughts on covenant

2005-07-03T16:33:00.000-04:00

More has been written on Jonathan Evans' blog about the idea of covenant as it pertains to church membership, within the context of the Salvation Army. Citing the renewal of covenant in the day of Nehemiah, his most recent point is that church covenants are necessary to maximize the fellowship of believers and to be united in our concern for one another, going so far as to compare church membership to marriage. And to be honest, I am just not seeing it. I have been focusing on Jeremiah 31:31-34 lately in my attempts to put this all together, and it seems to me that this passage really puts it all together. There are 4 main points which really describe the essence of God's covenant to all those who would believe in Christ and what he did for us through the shedding of his blood on the cross, demonstrating the reality that secondary, human covenants are simply unnecessary. 1) The Lord says, "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. Whereas previously the law was an external list of standards that humankind could not possibly live up to on their own, thus condemning them by their actions, God's law now becomes inner principle, and obedience flows from the freedom that God has brought into our lives by his grace, mercy and love. Rather than presenting our devotion to him on a piece of paper listing empty promises, his standard for our lives governs us from the inside out by the power of the Spirit at work in us. These church covenants set us up to adopt a philosophy of self-righteousness and a sense of rigid duty in terms of meeting God's standards rather than allowing us to delight in his will in complete freedom. 2) The Lord says, "I will be their God and they will be my people. We are destined as followers of the Lord to be united in intimate fellowship with him and with fellow believers. We do not need secondary oaths to ensure that because it has already been decreed by God himself. Therefore, church covenants are not necessary to maximize the fellowship of believers and to be united in our concern for one another; God has already taken care of that. And any allusions to marriage in terms of external symbols of connection between believers are not to be expressed in denominational jargon but should be seen in the act of baptism, which unites us in our willingness to publically declare repentance and to receive the forgiveness of sins, leading to the sanctification of the body, soul, heart, and mind. Marriage is an act in which the husband is called to love his wife as Christ has loved the church, not as the church loves itself. At the same time, the act of communion is an important act of worship for the believer, a time where we solemnly contemplate the work of Christ on the cross, the breaking of his body and the spilling of his blood that we may receive forgiveness for our sins and partake in a new and abundant life with him. These are examples of outward expressions of our being united with Christ and with fellow believers. Ironically enough, the Army ignores these important elements of the Christian life. We as believers are the church; our fellowship flows through our knowledge of and belief in Christ and the Spirit at work in us. 3) The Lord says, "they will all know me". Herein lies the mission of the believer to those who do not know Christ, and defines our care and concern for one another as fellow believers. The knowledge of God and the truth of his grace, mercy and love is to be shared freely. We all have the responsibility to be a bearer of his truth, and this alone unites us as believers in our mission to share the truth of the gospel with everyone that we come into contact with. This mission transcends all denominational barriers and is to be the focal point of all that we do. 4) The Lord says, "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." Nothing more needs to be done; sin, once and for all, has been defeated. This is the everlasting reality in which we live. It is finished. We do not need to make promises to God which we are incapable of keeping and have already been perfected in us by the work of Christ on the cross. All of the above is made possible only by the grace of God at work in our lives. I love what Donald Miller has to say about grace in Blue Like Jazz, and all that I have written lately on the subject of covenant and how I have been shaped by the outworkings of the Salvation Army pledge can be summed up in this statement, so I will end here. "(His pastor) Rick says that I will love God because he first loved me. I will obey God because I love God. But if I cannot accept God's love, I cannot love Him in return, and I cannot obey Him. Self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean; accepting God's love will. The ability to accept God's unconditional grace and ferocious love is all the fuel we need to obey him in return. Accepting God's kindness and free love is something that the devil does not want us to do. If we hear, in our inner ear, a voice saying we are failures, we are losers, we will never amount to anything, this is the voice of Satan trying to convince the bride that the groom does not love her. This is not the voice of God. God woos us with kindness, He changes our character with the passion of His love...I think what Rick said is worth repeating that by accepting God's love for us, we fall in love with him, and only then do we have the fuel that we need to obey. In exchange for our humility and willingness to accept the charity of God, we are given a kingdom. And a beggar's kingdom is better than a proud man's delusion." Thank you Donald...I could not have said it any better. Ian

from the Star

2005-07-01T11:51:00.000-04:00

Great article about Charlie V here.

nba draft reaction

2005-07-01T11:08:00.000-04:00

It has been a few days since the NBA draft and I have wanted to comment on it, but have been pretty busy. That's good though, because my position on the draft has changed since I first heard that with the 7th pick, the Toronto Raptors select Charlie Villanueva. The past year in Raptorland has not been pretty, beginning the selection of Rafael Ara(who?)jo. Everyone can agree that this pick was just straight up terrible. Not a good start for Robbie B. Then there was the Vince deal, and everyone was all over Babcock for that one as well, but personally, I blame Vince for what we got in return. His value was low because of all the injuries, became even lower when he demanded a trade and then became even LOWER when he played like butt for the first part of last season. That Babcock was able to get anything, let alone 2 1st round picks, is to be commended in some ways. Heck, even Shaq wasn't able to be traded for an all star caliber player. So that brings us to this past Tuesday. The two names that had been thrown around leading up to the draft were Danny Granger and Gerald Greene, and even though I had not really seen them play, I got caught up in the hype and was hoping to see one of those names come up. Charlie V was announced as the pick, and the ESPN guys went nuts, everyone at the ACC was going crazy, and it seemed as though Babcock had done it again. But then Joey Graham got picked up at 16, which is being called a steal, and even better, we got a pg that was projected to go in round 1 at the 41st pick. The way I see it, with these 3 picks, we are without a doubt on our way to becoming a better team. What is one thing we always complain about not having? Rebounds, and CV is pretty much the best rebounder in the draft. He could have gone into the L after high school, but chose to go to a great college program showing a willingness to be challenged and learn. People question his attitude/motivation, but what young man wouldn't seem distracted when your moms has been hit by a bus? Plus, he wanted to come to Toronto, which seems to be a rare occurence these days. Flip flop the 7th and 16th pick and everyone would be praising Babcock for a job well done. We got younger, more athletic, some D, rebounding, a pg...I heard a few people say the Raps had maybe the best draft of any team in the L. And about the other two guys, Granger and Greene, there obviously were issues there that we the fans don't know about, because those guys were passed over by many teams and dropped right out of the lottery. Babcock must know something we don't. Hoffa last year was a HUGE mistake, but I think overall, this year was a success. It's going to take some time to get the Raps back to respectability, building through the draft. In Toronto, it seems everyone has limitless patience with JP but are all over Babcock, and I don't think that's fair. Both teams are going through the same thing, and it takes good young players to rebuild. That's what we got on Tuesday, and it'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. And that's all I got to say about that.

a willingness to be led

2005-06-25T21:25:00.000-04:00

If I had to write about one area of my life in which I am challenged the most these days it would be my willingness to be led. Surely I know that God is in control, constantly urging me to follow him. And in my heart and mind, I am fine with that. There is no other reality in which I think I would be able to get through a period of my life such as I find myself in right now. And yet, I feel God constantly challenging me in this willingness to be led in terms of how I react to the leadership of other people. I mean that in the context of working on a team where one equal member will attempt to step up over the rest and kind of take over. To be honest, that kind of bugs me. I don't know what it is, I just get straight up defensive when someone offers their thoughts in regards to something I have done or should have done, or worse yet when they just step into a situation and try to do things their way. I know, I know, it's an issue of pride. On so many different occasions over the past few years, at school or camp or now at CH, God has truly been challenging me to grow in my willingness to be led; to come to a point where I can take a step back and acknowledge the very true fact that I don't know everything and very often I do indeed need some help, insight and direction. I am thankful for the times that I am challenged in this because it ultimately helps me to evaluate my willingness to be led by God. I never want to be in a place where I say to God 'no thanks, I got this one on my own...I know everything about this situation and have no need for help.' The beauty of it is that I know that God is completely trustworthy and that he always has my best interest at heart. Any challenge that he makes to the way I am living or any road that he calls me down, I know that he is always acting out of love and I can compltely rely and depend on him. Just something I was thinking about today... So, back to the whole Salvation Army blogstravaganza that has been going on lately. Yesterday, I received a great comment from and Army officer from Los Angeles. I don't know this man, but I was deeply encouraged by what he had to say and by the up front honesty in which he presented his comment. Here is what he had to say: I don't think i've interacted with you before, my wife found your blog. We are officers at LA Harborlight on skid row in downtown Los Angeles, CA. I just thought I'd encourage you. I too have seen abuse in the Church, both in and outside the Army. I also struggle as an offcer with the guilt trip that often is laid upon soldiers and officers. Finally, I think many who are raised in the Army and are never exposed to the Church at large think that we are more important then we are. Finally, I think all to often our scope of salvation is too small. Check out my blog for some discussion on that. But I'll leave it with the idea that God is not a salvationist. Let me tell you, this kind of honesty was quite refreshing, and I appreciated that fact that a church leader would take the time to seriously think it through, rather than immediately jump to defend. Again, I only have my perspective to share, and it was encouraging to have someone validate how I have been feeling and what I have been thinking about. It meant alot. Thanks for taking the time, Bill. Well, Lauren is flying in tomorrow and I am VERY excited. 7 weeks today and we will be married. Very nice!!! Lots to do between now and then, and again, please keep us in the prayers. And in light of her impending arrival, ee's gotta do some vacuuming. In the words of Jim Rome...goodnight now!! Ian

much needed encouragement

2005-06-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

For God is greater than our worried hearts and

knows more about us that we do ourselves.

1 John 3: 20 (The Message)

I am, by nature, a planner. I like to look ahead at the days and weeks to come and plan everything out. And there is no time like the present to be all up on that planning. I constantly have my day planner out trying to make sense of all that needs to be done in the next 7 weeks. And in my attempts to balance work, trips to Guelph, wedding plans, apartment hunting, and job searching, yesterday I heard God's still small voice calling out, reminding me of these precious words. Everything we do is to be defined by one thing: love. It is way too easy to lose focus when things are this crazy in life, and while everything that is going on these days in my life is being done with the best of intentions, sometimes too much of self gets in the way. My true desire above all is to do what pleases him, to be free from worry and experience his deep and abiding presence on a daily basis. I long to constantly hold this truth close to my heart: I am known and loved by God. He is far greater than any worry that may befall my heart. He knows my hopes, dreams and needs far better than I do. His command is to walk in love. And as I do, I will walk deeply and surely in him, as he walks by my side every step of the way. And as each day comes and goes, I know that he will always help me to put things in an eternal perspective. Now, I am off to watch game 7 of the NBA finals. I have yet to watch a game in its entirety, and am looking forward to this one. Tonight I hit up the local Book Market to purchase some good books. I have come to the point where I need a break from Christian non-fiction books, you know? I bought East of Eden by John Steinbeck and War and Peace by Tolstoy. I am pumped. later, Ian

lift one up

2005-06-20T13:32:00.000-04:00

With August 13th quickly approaching, Lauren and I are very much in wedding mode these days. It seems as though every waking moment is met with thoughts of the next thing to cross off the 'to do' list. The plans are coming together nicely, and we believe this day will truly be great, a celebration of the love we have for each other and a day to praise God for all he has done for us. In the midst of the business of wedding planning, made difficult at times by the fact we are 5 hours apart, we are also faced with things that need to be in place post-wedding, such as finding a place to live and me finding a job in Toronto. We believe that God will open up the right doors and give us the wisdom to see exactly where he wants us to be. I just ask that you would remember us in your prayers. Please pray that he would give us the wisdom and the courage to follow him when we can't see what is around the corner, and pray that we would put our trust firmly in the Lord, believing that he is in control and that he will indeed continue to demonstrate his faithfulness and reveal the plan that he has for our lives. Thank you so much. IAN

the view from here

2005-06-19T23:30:00.000-04:00

This blog discussion has really got me thinking over the past few days. I come into this conversation from the context of one who has experienced and witnessed deep hurt from the Army, and who has now come to a point where I am able to take of my Army tinted glasses and simply raise some important questions. And while some may call into question my integrity or say "I'm sorry son, I don't care...it's the pledge or bust", and lest I be accused of simply taking my issues out on the armybarmy blogger world or the Army in general, please let me assure you all that myself and others who have shared similar experiences raise these questions not to attack but rather as a means of coming to terms with those experiences of severe and life altering ungrace, judgement and non-support within the Army. Let me share with you the fact that in my teens, I was ready and willing to give it my all in terms of living out my commitment a) to the Lord and b) to the Army. While my commitment to the Lord remains unwavering, my commitment today to the Army is not there. Part of that arises out of issues with the Army pledge, not for what it stands for, but how I was taught through it that God's love was something to be earned, for if the pledge was broken in any way, the reaction was one far from grace. As I (and my very good friend Jay) have tried to explain, the rich meaning of covenant is found in this truth: when we were powerless to save ourselves, God ushered in the new covenant through the cross. My life is defined by this reality; it is by grace through faith that I am justified and it is by faith and total reliance on him that I am to live out my life in the freedom of the Spirit; to be set apart, sanctified, to love and serve the Lord and others with my whole heart. I am sanctified by the obedience that comes from faith in God's work FOR me, IN me and THROUGH me, by the grace and power of Christ and the Holy Spirit. And yet, sadly, even in this conversation I hear rumblings of that same old ungrace. I guess in some ways I have received some clear answer from this discussion. Back in the day, I truly believed that I was part of a generation of young salvos who, by the grace of God and the spirit working in and through us, would get back to the roots of the Army and usher in a time of revival that would radically change lives. Ironically, since that time, God has indeed been calling me away from the Army, helping me to broaden my horizons and sharpen my view of the church as a whole. Certainly there are issues within every denomination, but ultimately, the call is to get back to the heart of God and unite in the mission of going out into the world and bringing others to know and experience God's love and grace in their lives. I echo these words from Joel Ivany: "The call is not to get back to the roots of the Salvation Army. There is no familiarity, no connection with getting back to "Our Roots". For most of my generation, we do not have fond memories of the Army and do not want to go back to what WE have experienced. I'm calling, in the name of JESUS CHRIST, that we bow down and crave, hunger, for the roots of Christ. That we long for a deep passionate connection. That we love Him which pours into all aspects of our lives." Despite some dodgy experiences, it is by God's grace that some of us are where are at today, and it's that grace that will lead us forward, enabling us to do great things for the Lord and His kingdom. And in that context, as we understand more and more the unconditional love and grace offered by God, He, and not our empty promises, will enable us to go out and share the truth of his grace and love to those who need to hear it. I'm spent. That's all I got for today. Please feel free to comment. In fact, I welcome it wholeheartedly. goodnight now. IAN

stuff from another blog

2005-06-17T14:31:00.000-04:00

Over the past couple days, I have been involved in a discussion on this blog regarding covenant as it pertains to the Salvation Army. This covenant had been compared to that of marriage, with some believing that when you take the Army pledge, you are marrying yourself to fellow soldiers. I disagreed, saying that I did not think it was appropriate to compare the Army pledge to the divine institution of marriage. I do encourage you to check out the entire conversation, but I wanted to post on here a comment by a Salvation Army officer and my response. Here it is: Comment: Hmm. So someone thinks that there are degrees of covenant? If I sign an "important" covenant, I am held to it, but if I sign something not as important, I am not held to it? Who's to make the judgement of what is and is not important?I believe I am held to every contract or covenant I sign. If I don't want to be held by it, I won't sign it (I do not sign every covenant the Army works into congresses or special programs and initiatives for that very reason). I am a man of my word and that's what we're talking about here. This is a serious issue of integrity.While I see many of the world going back on their word, I expect the Christians around me to hold to their promises. I don't care who you are or what church you belong to. If you sign a covenant with anyone you are bound by it. My response: No, I do not believe that there are different degrees of covenant. In fact, I believe that the word 'covenant' is perhaps thrown around a bit too much these days. There is a difference between a contract/promises and a covenant. When we were powerless to save ourselves, God ushered in the new covenant through the cross. My life is defined by this reality; it is by grace through faith that I am justified and it is by faith and total reliance on him that I am to live out my life in the freedom of the Spirit; to be set apart, sanctified, to love and serve the Lord and others with my whole heart."Who's to make the judgement of what is and is not important?" You are right, this is a right resverved only to God, who looks past our utterings and our uniforms and straight into the heart. It is fruitless to question one another's integrity, and I do not belive that it is worthwhile to measure ones ability to keep his word as compared to another; the reality is that we all at one time or another fall short, break our promises and turn from the Lord through our actions, attitudes and judgements. I have promised to devote my life to him, and I put my trust in him, relying on him to accomplish his purpose and mission for my life. I am sanctified by the obedience that comes from faith in God's work FOR me, IN me and THROUGH me, by the grace and power of Christ and the Holy Spirit.You may not care who I am, where I come from, where I am at in life presently, or where God is leading me in life. You may not care about the things I have seen/experienced in terms of judgment and ungrace in relation to the upholding of the Army covenant. Being the recipient of Army leaders 'not caring' is not really new to me. The good news is that I am known by God, he loves me and cares about me, his grace covers all my sin, and by his grace he will help me to live up to the calling that he has placed on my life.

the ladder

2005-06-15T21:06:00.000-04:00

In terms of recent conversation on this blog and others in regards to the Salvation Army, the Senior Soldier covenant and the issue of grace, let me qualify my view with how I grew up understanding the concept of grace. I saw my relationship with God as one wherein I was climbing a perpetual ladder towards him, each step defined by some good deed or my ability to go through a day without any "big" sin. When I would indeed be faced with my sin, it was as though I was falling from whatever rung I had reached all the way to the ground, only having to get up and start all over. My view of God's love was one what was wholly based on my ability to perform well as a Christian. I would take that a step further and say that my view of God's love was defined by my ability to perform well as a young Salvationist. For the ungrace displayed by leaders who either knew of or even suspected some discrepancy overshadowed the love of Christ that covers all sin. I did not want to be revealed as a sinner, as other had been, by the removal of my uniform or having to step out of the band. Even a trip to the mercy seat was met with questions of "well what did they do now?" It was only through taking some steps away from the Army that I was able to surround myself with people who demonstrated to me what it meant to be loved unconditionally. It was my friends, people my age who understood this predicament and who were constantly dissapointed by their Army 'leaders' that helped me to see that the spiritual life is not defined by going to band practice and wearing the unform each day; it's about knowing that we are loved by Christ and have been called to live a life of love for him and others. I did not come to know and understand that through my Army upbrining, only through my Army friends who came together at the same time and asked ourselves 'what is it that we are truly living for?' For better or worse, in many cases, the answer to that question has led me and others away from our uniforms and the denomination of our youth into a journey of discovery of Christ within the church at large. That's more of where I am coming from in this conversation.

thoughts regarding my place in the church

2005-06-14T13:26:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about my upbringing in the Salvation Army upon being reminded the other day about the Senior Soldier pledge. For a dedicated Salvationist, this covenant is a big deal, one that is not to be taken lightly. (To read the document, click here). I haven't really attended the Army regularly in about 5 years now, and to be honest, I don't really acknowledge this pledge as central to my life anymore. In fact, I'm not so sure I ever really did, having made it at the age of 14, considerably too young to be making a life defining pledge such as this. It's interesting because I have read some blogs from Army people over the last couple days who have reiterated the fact that this covenant is a serious thing, not to be taken lightly, one even comparing it to marriage, as though one is being betrothed to the Army and fellow soldiers. As one who grew up in the Army and now stands more on the outside looking in (and since I am marrying a non-salvationist, chances are I will never attend the Army again...and I am not alone in that, looking at the Army friends with whom I grew up), it baffles me as to why the Army has the sense that its cause is greater than that of the church as a whole, and why their rites are seen as supreme to those that have been commanded to partake of by Christ himself. Upon applying for a youth pastor job at a Baptist church last spring, I was asked to write a detailed response to the church in regards to my beliefs regarding baptism and the Lord's supper and why I had not been baptized or partaken in communion before. The following is my response to the Church (whose name has been altered) and, even though it was written one year ago, it really sheds some light onto where I am today in terms of my place in the church right now, and where I see myself going in the future. I thank anyone for taking the time to read it, and welcome any comments you may have. Before I begin, allow me to preface this by saying that, as in all matters concerning Christian faith and doctrine, I intend to write from the head as well as the heart, acknowledging the important link between the two. As a young man who was raised in the Salvation Army, concepts such as the Lord's Supper and baptism were foreign to me. When I came to school at Tyndale, it was my privilege to be immersed into an atmosphere of diversity, wherein people from every background came to study, foundationally unified in their desire to learn more about their faith and prepare for a life of service unto the Lord. I now stand on the cusp of graduation, ready to step into the world to serve God in any venue that he sees fit. In that respect, I do not see myself today as having any denominational affiliation, but rather one who is a follower of Christ eager to join a strong community of believers wherein I may serve Him and grow in my walk with him. From a ministry standpoint, I desire to reach people, to show them Christ in a way that engages their hearts to think seriously about him, to accept him as their personal Savior, and to grow daily in their relationship with him. This is why I have expressed interest in becoming the youth pastor at Anonymous Baptist, to return home, serve the Lord and change the lives of teenagers. In light of my background, and its contrast with the beliefs of Anonymous Baptist, I have been asked to submit what I believe the Bible teaches about the Lord's supper and Baptism, and if I have partaken of the Lord's supper and been baptized. I will begin with the Lord's Supper. As I mentioned to Pastor Anonymous during our phone conversation, I have come to participate in and appreciate the sacrament of the Lord's Supper over the past 4 years, and I see it as an integral part of any true worship experience. In the gospels, it is recounted that, at the Passover meal, Jesus took some bread, broke it and said "Take and eat; this is my body." (Mt. 26:26) Then, he took some wine, saying "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the new covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness sins." (Mt. 26: 27-28) Paul, in 1 Corinthians 10:16, describes our participation in the Lord's supper as a participation in the body and blood of Christ himself, in thanksgiving and remembrance of what he has done for us. I see the Lord's Supper, therefore, as an important act of worship, a time where we solemnly contemplate the work of Christ on the cross, the breaking of his body and the spilling of his blood that we may receive forgiveness for our sins and partake in a new and abundant life with him. In terms of attending a church that regularly participates in the Lord's Supper, I feel I would be lacking if I did not. It is a beautiful thing for me, and it never ceases to take me to places of contemplation and thanksgiving for what Christ has done for me. Within the core beliefs of Anonymous Baptist Church, one finds the following sentence: "Full-immersion Baptism is an outward sign of the "washing away" of our former lifestyle. It's also a sign of the acceptance of our new lifestyle in Christ." The Bible presents Baptism as a public declaration of repentance and the receiving of a forgiveness of sins. In Mark 1:4, John the Baptizer is described as being in the desert "preaching a baptism for the forgiveness of sins." As the forbearer to Christ, John preached that the people might come to be baptized in the river to receive forgiveness of their sins in anticipation of the one who would come and baptize with the Holy Spirit. (Mt. 3:11) Perhaps the two most significant passages in Scripture regarding Baptism are Matthew 28, and Romans 6. In Matthew 28, the resurrected Christ appears to his disciples and commands them to "go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." (Mt. 28:19-20) Paul in Romans 6 describes Baptism as participating in the death of Christ, and then being raised into a new life, united with Christ in the sacrifice He made for us and in the glory of the resurrection. In Colossians 2:12, Paul describes it again as "having been buried with (Christ) in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead." In Galatians 3:27, Paul describes it as being "clothed with Christ", and then in Titus 3:5 he says that God "saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, being justified by his grace, we might become heirs have the hope of eternal life." Then, in the book of Acts, there are many stories of the early apostles urging the early church to be baptized in order to publicly repent and receive the forgiven of sins available through Christ. In looking at the Word, it seems quite evident that for the early church, for the church today, and for God, that baptism is an important thing. The public declaration of repentance and the receiving of the forgiveness of sins leading to the sanctification of the body, soul, heart, and mind is understandably a huge step for any believer. I have even heard it be compared to marriage, the union of man and woman in that act similar to the public union of man and God in baptism. Growing up, I was never taught the importance of water baptism, and today, admittedly, I have not partaken of this act. From the perspective of Anonymous Baptist Church, I understand how it is important, if not vital, for the youth leader of your church to have been baptized. You desire that your youth, as part of an active discipleship with Christ, move towards that important step, and that the one leading them, as an example, be one who has been baptized. At the same time, I think all can agree that nowhere in scripture does it say that baptism is necessary for salvation. It is a symbol, a public declaration that one is repentant and is seeking forgiveness and sanctification. Even Paul admits that the preaching of the gospel, the good news of salvation, is ultimately more important than the act of baptism, in light of disagreements arising in the church at Corinth. In thinking about this situation and looking at the Biblical standpoint on baptism, it seems to me that this issue, as is the case with so many things, is a matter of the heart rather than the action involved. I would suggest that there are some believers who, having been baptized, are not the most committed followers of the Lord, and that there are some who have not been baptized who are very much on the road to holiness (and vice versa). The heart of the matter is, indeed, the heart. This act comes out of a desire of the heart to repent of our former lifestyle, and our burning hearts for Christ lead us daily in our desire to live out our new life with him. We are all on a journey with God, and regardless of backgrounds and denominational barriers, we are all part of the body of Christ, his beloved church. When I look at people in this world, I strive to seem them through the eyes of Christ, to look at their heart and see the goodness and potential therein, to see them as they truly are rather than look at what they have done, good or bad. I, Ian McLaren, am a believer in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and I daily repent of my sins, seeking forgiveness and desiring to be sanctified, made more into the likeness of Christ. I have not been baptized, yet I know that I am saved, a member of the body of Christ, one who desires to dedicate my whole being to his service and glory. I long to usher people into his presence, into a personal relationship with him. One day, I would love to be baptized, to stand in front of my family, friends, a community of believers and publicly declare my faith as a testimony of the power of Christ at work within me. I simply have not yet reached that part of my journey yet, but it is not because of my heart, but rather a matter of where I have been, and where I am going in terms of God's will for my life.

gosh...why is this flippin' movie so popular?

2005-06-10T23:31:00.000-04:00

I was watching the MTV Movie Awards last night, and the big movie was Napoleon Dynamite. When Jon Heder won an award, the crowd would not stop cheering, prompting a "gosh...quiet." I was surprised but happy when this movie won the golden popcorn for Best Movie, realizing that it has really struck a chord with the MTV generation. I am sure most everyone has seen this delightfully hilarious movie by now. I first saw it around Christmas time, introduced to it by my friend Ryan who, in the course of one week, had watched it about 10 times. I have since watched it just one more time, but it's one movie that I always have a kind of a hunger for, if only to see it for just a couple minutes. I don't know what it is. I laugh at the mere thought of one of those Napoleonisms. It was interesting to me that Napoleon Dynamite was the big movie on a night where the classic Breakfast Club movie was honoured as one that had such an impact on the MTV crowd. These two movies were so very different. One had clear characters that were developed as the movie progressed, leading them to gain an understanding of who they were, where they came from and where they could now go. Napoleon Dynamite offers none of this. If anything, we come out of it asking "what just happened?" and "who are these people?" It made me think back to the latest Relevant Magazine, where Dan Haseltine from Jars of Clay comments on the fact that this movie is so completely devoid of a story, and yet it is so popular, especially among the younger generation. In light of this, he asks the following question: How do you share the Gospel with people who do not care about story? The Gospel is itself, of course, THE great story. The ultimate story of good v. evil, redemption, victory...everything that we desire to see in a good story. Thus, if people are able to connect to a movie like this that is so random and that doesn't follow the conventions of a traditional storyline, how then can they connect to THE story that we find ourselves in? My initial reaction to this question was that the answer lies in the character. The key to this movie is that people have connected with the characters themselves, as we laugh and relate to certain aspects of who they are - the geek who is bullied and misunderstood, looking for the right skills to make it in the world; the brother desperately searching for love; and the uncle wishing he could just go back and start over. So, it seems as though the way to overcome this new element of 'no story needed' is to go back to the person of Jesus as the central character. In some ways, I believe that the story of the Gospel has been tainted by the history of the church and its present state, leaving people without any reason to feel any sort of connection with Christianity. In a sense, the story as presented today is pretty random. Sometimes as Christians we don't even seem to be speaking the same language, and we debate over how to live, what the church should look like, the importance of being relevant, what music to play etc. In trying to continue to develop the story, we have become diconnected and we have taken the focus off the central character and placed it firmly on us, clearly making the story itself less attractive. It is Christ and not the church that needs to be presented to the world as the central character, as the one through whom this great story unfolds. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant. Colossians 1:15-23 We need to direct people to Him and away from the randomness that we have created so that we can help them gain an understanding of who they are in Christ. The world is clearly looking for someone or something to connect with; and we need to be the ones who come together and demonstrate the love of Christ in a way that draws them into His great story. Wouldn't that just be flippin' sweet? note: In talking to my beautiful wife-to-be tonight, she brought up an interesting point about this movie and why it is so loved. She feels that perhaps it has to do with the fact that a large portion of the younger generation these days live relatively nonchalant, unmotivated lives, driven by a certain randomness of life that appeals to people. There is no particular beginning nor is there a particular end; just...whatever. Napoleon Dymanite is quite like that. However, the truth is that nothing in this world is random; all life has been authored by God, and all people have a purpose and an identity in him. That is what we as a church need to display to people - that everything we search for and hope for in this life are not randomly beheld, nor are the circumstances in our lives beseiged upon us for no reason. They are offered to us as a means of directing us to the author of this great story. And those of us familiar with this need to get it out there. Thanks Lauren.

back in the basement

2005-06-09T14:27:00.000-04:00

After an extended visit in Guelph, I am back in the basement. This is shaping up to be the craziest summer ever. We got weddings, wedding planning, job/apartment hunting, work, trying to balance work schedules to make time for trips to Guelph...wow, summertime sure isn't about camp anymore! And you know what? I love it. Despite all the uncertainties of the future, and there are many, I am so excited to get married to Lauren and begin our journey together. My trust in the Lord is growing every day because there is simply no way I can do any of this on my own. It has come to the point where trying to take control of every situation is simply impossible, and that is exactly where I want to be..."God, I can't do this on my own. I need you. Please help me every day." I know that I am in his hands, and that everything is going to be ok. And every day, I will make this my prayer: Father God, fill me with the knowledge of your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And I pray this in order that I may live a life worthy of you and may please you in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of you, being strengthened with all power according to your glorious might so that I may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to you my Father, who has qualified me to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For you have rescued me from the dominion of darkness and brought me into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Wow!! That prayer is so meaningful to me these days on so many ways. Praise God, he is so good. I have updated the music/books on the right. Lauren bought me the new Coldplay cd the other day, and it is fantastic. I am also hitting up some Donald Miller once again, and of course taking in a steady hit of marriage books. This Mystery of Marriage one is quite good. Well, off to work. later, Ian

how's your kindness reflex?

2005-06-01T22:05:00.000-04:00

Something that I have been thinking about alot lately is my kindness reflex. Last week, I was out for a run, and I saw this dog just running around, no owner in sight, and I thought to myself 'dang, I hope that dog finds his way home alright.' After I got home, it struck me that maybe I could have stopped and maybe checked his tags or seen if his owner was around. It reminded me of times in the past when I had been crazy slow, even reluctant, to help people out. Like if I was in the mall and saw someone drop a bag or something, my initial reaction is 'i hope they realize they dropped it' rather than immediately going over, picking it up and returning it to the dropper. Or if someone needed a ride and it was kind of but not really on the way, I would hope that someone else offered so I didn't have to. Or just this past weekend, Lauren asked if I could act as bride/bridesmaid chauffeur before this wedding we went to. Needless to say, my first reaction was not one of joy. Maybe I am the only person who has a problem in this area, that everyone, all the time, and without hesitation jumps at the opportunity to help others. I wish that was me, but I confess, my kindness reflex is sometimes quite slow. I really want to grow in this area, just as Peter exhorts us to do in 2 Peter 1. ...make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I desire to cultivate these virtues of the fruiftul Christian life every day, so that the knowledge that I have of Jesus affects the way that I live and how I interact with others. I know that working at CH and seeking God in preparing to become a husband has taught me alot in the area of selflesness, and I know that every day, as I take the focus off myself and place it firmly on the Lord, he will grant me a heart of kindness so that I may always find joy in helping others. When there is a need, I want to always say 'how can i help?' rather than 'where can i hide?'

Oh boy, these are busy times.

2005-06-01T21:05:00.000-04:00

Right now I am in the midst of a week book ended by two trips to the g-unit (Guelph of course) for consecutive wedding weekends, while balancing working at CH, putting the touches on the final wedding plans with Lauren and trying to find a plce for us to live and a job for myself in the t-dot. And while the temptation is always there for me to get all stressed out, overwhelmed and worried about the future, I was reminded again today that the joy of the Lord is my strength. All it takes is some serious time with the Lord each day, just laying it all out before him and listening to his still small reassuring voice, and I know that everything is going to be ok. No matter what, I know he is in control, that he has the plans, and that he will grant me the wisdom and the guidance to follow him every step of the way. I know I already posted the words to this tune in a previous entry, but shoot...the words to this song touched my heart again this morning as I cranked it in my living room singing my heart out to God. The greatest love that anyone could ever know That overcame the cross and grave to save my soul And till I see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home I'll trust in you With all I am I'll live to see your kingdom come And in my heart I pray you'd let your will be done And till I see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home I'll trust in you I will live to love you I will live to bring you praise I will live a child in awe of you You are the voice that called the universe to be You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me And till I see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home I'll trust in you You alone are God of all You alone are worthy Lord And with all I am My soul will bless your name So here is a picture of Lauren and I from the wedding we went to this past weekend. It was at the U of G, outside in the Arboretum. **interesting side note*** (Every time I am at the U of G, I always remember the All Ontario Youth Councils circa '97 or '98ish. I have memories of the cheese that was a performance by Warren Holmstrom, doing a spread eagle off the stage in his 8 ball leather jacket; skipping out on a session to go to the arena and get Bobby Orr's autograph; and the fact that despite it being crazy hot in the van on the way home, our unnamed van driver wouldn't put on the AC or let us go into the convenience store that our ENTIRE youth group was going into to get refreshing beverages, in effect forcing us to resort to a silent protest involving the removal of our shorts and making that 5 hour drive free as birds, ifyouknowwhatimean. Good times, good memories. Youth Councils provided many of those classic moments over the years. And who knew that town would become my second home?) Oh, without further ado...the picture. If you find yourself reading this, please just keep Lauren and I in your prayers as we approach our wedding day, the God would direct us and help us to continue to trust in him for ALL things. That would be awesome. later, Ian

re:united

2005-05-25T00:08:00.000-04:00

Tonight was just what I needed. After a rough couple of days, it was so great to be ushered into the presence of God by the United worship band. I went fully expecting to meet with the Lord, and that is just what happened. There is just something about gathering with fellow believers and singing praises to God, am I right? I just went and sang my heart out, raised my hands to God, shouting praise like I hadn't done in months, fully blessed by the gifted musicians and offering up those anointed words as a blessing to God. He filled my heart with such peace, reminding me that he is so much bigger than the worries struggles in my life, that he has a deep affection for me and that he is in control of every single detail of my life. The enemy was trying to drag me down and bring up all my problems, and right at that moment, the words "the enemy has been defeated" roared around me like a sweet cry of victory straight from heaven. I could feel the presence of God all around me, lifting me up from the weariness of the fight and reminding me that his love is all I need. Tonight's experience just straight up got me excited about God again, refueling me for the days ahead and reminding me of the importance of putting him first in all that I do. Praise God!!! He is so good.

sacrifice, yoda style

2005-05-23T12:03:00.000-04:00

So I went and saw the new Star Wars joint last night at the local Coliseum, and I must say that it was fairly sweet. In all honesty, I don't think that the whole series even comes close to matching the far more epic saga known as Lord of the Rings, and while this 3rd episode was by far the best of the new installments, it only left me with the desire only to watch the originals once again. I must admit though that seeing Darth Vader in that mask for the first time with a little Empire tunage in the background was worth choking back all the Jar Jar and cuddling by the lake in the first two movies. Having said all that, above and beyond the sweet light saber fights and the appearance of the Vader suit, one thing I will remember about this movie is a line delivered by that awesome little green muppet known as Yoda: You must train yourself to let go of the things you fear to lose. Oh Yoda, you know how to say it my friend. At first, I was impressed solely by the fact that he was actually able to present this truth in one succinct sentence, rather than saying 'let go you must of the fear to lose things.' Like Anakin, the concept of sacrifice is something that everyone struggles with. It is our pride that steps in and urges us to take control of our situation, or tells us that we have certain 'rights' to things that we need not ever consider give up. However, the road to becoming a follower of Christ is defined by the act of submission. We fear to let go because we find it hard to give up control, to put our trust fully in that which is not seen. Our example must always be Christ, who laid down his life for us so that we may, in turn, receive true life through him. Life dictated by our own terms will lead to death; life submitted to Christ leads to ultimate and decisive victory. Fear is a tool of the enemy, and can only be countered with the peace that flows from the assurance that Jesus is in control and that everything will work our for the good of those who love him. If we train our hearts and minds, then, to follow Christ at all costs, any loss that we experience or anything that we feel needs to be let go of in our lives along the way, when put within the context of the cross, will be done within the scope of a proper perspective. Therefore, I must train myself to put him first in all things, in how I spend my time and in my relationships, unafraid of giving up control for I know that I am in good hands. Ian ps. The irony is that it is possible that one of the things that we are called to let go of is the privelege we have of giving up our money to see movies like Star Wars, you know? Entertainment in North America has become a right or possibly an idol, and for many people, myself included, that would be a difficult thing to just give up. Something to think about...

more saturday evening musings

2005-05-21T19:23:00.000-04:00

Shoot, I am B-O-R-E-D. This weekend is the first in maybe 3 months where I am not either working or going to see Lauren. It has been nice to have some time to read, play NBA Street vol 3, do stuff for the wedding and look for apartments/jobs and whatever, but at the same time, having all this down time reminds me of back in the fall when I had nothing to do and what a down time what was for me. I just am finding that the more time that I have completely to myself, the enemy is prowling and trying to get me down. I have been reminded in the last couple days just how much I am looking forward to the whole aspect of companionship in marriage. Whereas being alone can make me a bored, sulky baby, being with Lauren keeps me focused on the good in life, and motivates me to experience and share that goodness in all that I do. I had an interesting talk with a guy that I work with the other day. We were on the van run, listening to Ottawa's Christian Hit Radio, and I asked him if he was going to be attending the United concert this coming Tuesday. That led into a conversation about 'worship music' and whether or not it has become a form of entertainment wherein we idolize the performers and treat them like rock stars. I really don't know what to think about all of this. I do know that, in light of the concert on Tuesday being one in which no tickets are sold, there will undoubtedly be people lining up from the morning on to ensure that they get a prime seat. It's reminds me of this lecture I heard when I was at Carleton. I took a class called the History of Popular Music, and one of the lectures was on the live music experience. There are various stages in the experience - buying tickets, the drive there, waiting to get in - all leading up to the euphoric climax of seeing your favorite band on stage. When I saw Pearl Jam a few years back, I was in a box seat at the top of the ACC, and remember so clearly looking out over the crowd and seeing everyone's arms and heads raised pointing to the sky, so engaged in the song. It looked like a Sunday night chapel at Tyndale, no jokes. What is setting us apart? In thinking of this concert, I wonder if people will be going because they desire to be ushered into the presence of God through music, or to be close enough to the stage to get a glimpse of their favorite worship 'stars'? I do want to go, but am hoping to grab a seat in the back by myself lest I be tempted to get wrapped up in the hype. The Lord has gifted certain people in the area of music and it is to be shared, that much is clear. But have we taken the focus of God and placed it firmly on ourselves, and in so doing perverted the meaning of worship? I really don't know what the answer is to all of this. If anyone has some thoughts, please feel free to share them. To follow up my previous post, Lauren and I have agreed on something else which, for me, requires a certain measure of submission. I admit it, I spend entirely too much time on Sports. I watch highlight shows, look at stats on the internet, watch games etc. As I have mentioned before, I enjoy sports for many reasons, but the fact is I devote far too much time out of my day to sports. The main reason for that is because I am involved in fantasy sports. This past NBA season, I was involved with no less than 6 or 7 fantasy basketball teams. Who does that? Right now, I am in a couple baseball leagues. Well, that's all about to change, because I have vowed to Lauren to cease my participation in such things, which will no doubt radically cut down on my desire to be all over the sports world. I will of course still follow my teams and enjoy the big events, but I really do want to honour Lauren's concern that sports is an idol in my life and demonstrate that I can live without fantasy sports and cut back on my sports intake. If I look past my pride, I recognize it has become too much and I know this will be beneficial to my life. Well, that's all I got for today I guess. Oh yah, in other big news, Lauren has encouraged me to break my habit of nail biting which has plagued me since I began to teethe it seems. I was hesitant because I knew that the only way I could do it was by putting on that stuff on my nails which tastes friggin' nasty when you go to bite them, and it was semi-embarassing applying a nail polish-like substance every day. But there is no lustre to it and it does taste SO gross, and it works. It's a good habit to break. I recommend that any destructive/habitual behaviour in our lives be dealt with, no matter the cost. Anyways, for real, that's it. Off to watch the first game of the Memorial Cup. Yes, I realize that is sports related, but come on...Sindey Crosby, the London Knights, and my hometown 67's??? Can't be avoided. Plus I have nothing else to do. sniff. Congratulations to anyone who made it to the end of this novel. much love IAN

a worthwhile read

2005-05-16T21:19:00.000-04:00

In my last post, I mentioned that I had started to read this Every Man's Marriage book, and this book has truly been a benefit to me as I prepare to become a husband. It really stresses the importance of balancing the exercising of the husband's biblical authority with an understanding of the essential element of male submission in marriage. The idea of male submission is something I had never really thought about, and I was kicked in the pants with a reminder through this book just how essential it is. Christ came to earth to do the will of his father and not his own; so too the husband must strive to do the will of the Father that His love may be made complete in the marriage relationship. I think one of the biggest things this book is teaching me is that the leadership the husband is to demonstrate in marriage is one defined by servanthood. Yes, I believe that the husband is called to be the head of the family. This authority, however, is not to be expressed as a dictatorship but through active, loving service. As the servant should always be seeking the best and most effective ways to serve his master, so too the husband is called to meet the needs of his wife in the best way that he can. That often means submitting his rights, his time, living sacrificially and learning how to think through and see things in a different way. In reading this book, I have tried to think of concrete ways in which I can foster this sense of unity in my upcoming marriage. For instance, Lauren is very excited about the prospects of decorating our humble living space (which we have not yet found, by the way). As small as it will probably be, Lauren desires it to be a true home for us, decked out in her special way. Now, there are a couple of possible ways I can handle this. I could insist on things looking a certain way or disagree with her tastes, or I can step back and allow Lauren the freedom to use her gifts of creativity, understanding that the look of a home is very important to a woman. It means more to her than it does to me, so what does it really matter? I want to cherish Lauren's creativity and uniqueness. Another thing is that Lauren is a woman who loves to be romanced, and I don't want to be one of those guys who after the wedding forgets what it means to woo. I have learned from this book that things like this lead to an increased sense of unity between husband and wife, the embodiment of the 'one flesh' description of marriage. All of the examples I have shared may seem like little things, but I'm learning that it's those things that go deep into a woman's heart and make an impact. The key is that I may be able to enter into things that require sacrifice and submission with a joyful heart, not grudgingly. To be honest, the dating/engagement process for me has in many ways demonstrated my deficiencies in all of this, and it excites me that the best is truly yet to come as we look forward to marriage. I long to become the husband that God has called me to be, and to love and honor my future wife in a way that allows her to become the woman she has been created to be. I long to be a servant, to help Lauren in any way that I can, not simply in practical household stuff, but most importantly in leading her closer to the Lord every day. I desire to be a husband that reflects the love of Christ to her in all that I do, as a true servant, speaking affirmation into her life every day. I truly have benefited from reading this book, and I highly recommend this book to any fella who is soon to be married, ever wants to get married and who is currently married. Same with the Five Love Languages, that book was huge as well. Well, that is all I have for today. I am on a bit of a Starfield kick today, hence the change in the Tunage section. Definitely been hitting up these CD's on a regular basis for more than a year, and I love 'em. If anyone has never heard them or even of them, I highly recommend them also. later, Ian

living in the waves

2005-05-12T14:39:00.000-04:00

So last night I finished off Perelandra, the second novel in the Lewis space trilogy. I am serious, if you have not read these books, you must put them on your 'to read' list because they will touch your life in special ways. Basically, the story revolves around a man named Ransom who travels to Venus and becomes involved in an epic story in another world reminiscient of the Adam and Eve story in our world. Acting as the Christ figure, Ransom suffers a great deal in his quest to thwart the attempts of a hideously evil character who is trying to lure the first woman on Venus into breaking the single command given to them by God, thus leading her and the King, as well as their entire world, into a fate similar to that of Adam, Eve and Earth. The command given to them was that they were not to dwell on the Fixed Land, but rather were to stay on an array of floating islands that bobbed their way through the waves of the vast ocean covering the planet. In the end, the enemy defeated, the temptation overcome and the man and woman accepting their glory in a way that Adam and Eve never did, the woman declares that she now saw why it was that God had made that command. This truth resonated very deeply with me, especially in light of where I am in life right now. "The reason for not yet living on the Fixed Land is now so plain. How could I wish to live there except because is was Fixed? And why should I desire the Fixed except to make sure - to be able on one day to command where I should be the next and what should happen to me. It was to reject the wave - to draw my hands out of Maledil's (God), to say to him, 'Not thus, but thus' - to put in our own power what times should roll toward us...as if you gathered fruits together today for tomorrow's eating instead of taking what came. That would have been cold love and feeble trust." That quote hit me so hard, and resonated so deeply in my heart in terms of where I am at in life and many of the things I have written about before. Often, the temptation that I am faced with is to take control of my life and do all that I can to attain security and comfort in this world. The pressure to do so is augmented severely while on the brink of marriage, let me assure you. It is a scary proposition to begin a life together while having so many questions up in the air. I am tempted to live a life defined by that cold love and feeble trust, trying to take control and pursue that which will help us to feel comfortable in life. My deep desire is to avoid this way of living at all costs. I must always be reminded that Christ paid a great price so that I may be set free from these temptations, from fear and doubt and worry. I can never really be sure of what tomorrow will bring, but of this I can be sure; God is calling me to simply live in the waves, to take the ups and downs of life as they come, always trusting and believing that I am loved by Christ, that he is in control and that everything is going to be ok. I have also begun praying using the ACTS model of prayer. I have found that in recent weeks, I have struggled with being able to focus in my prayer times, and this, I have found, has really halped me out a great deal. You simply focus on four areas: Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication. It helps me to use the Word in my prayer times, as I use Bible verses in the Adoration and Thanksgiving times, as well as gives me a reminder of the importance of confession. Whereas before I would get bogged down in always asking for things, not I am reminded to praise the Lord and confess my sins, HUGE aspects of a meaningful prayer time. If anyone is struggling with their prayer times, give it a shot. Ian

update from the basement

2005-05-10T18:09:00.000-04:00

Hello friends, how are you? I just thought I would take some time on this ridiculously good looking afternoon here in o-town to update what has been going on in my life lately. Last Monday, I was hugely surprised by the sudden appearance of one Lauren Banks upon returning home from work. Apparently, Lauren stowed herself away in the Cruiser and spent a record 13 hours alone with my parents (Lord bless her for that!!! kidding, mom...) to pay me a surprise visit. So, we spent one full and glorious week together. It was just so great being able to actually be together for more than a few days. We got to eat meals together, go for a hike/picnic...just things that couple do all the time but take for granted sometimes. This whole being apart thing has really taught us to appreciate the little things about being together. Tis true that the closer we get to the wedding (3 months, 3 days) the harder it is to be apart, but the good news is that we have so much to do between now and then, it will hopefully be a quick summer. In other news, I am still reading the Lewis space trilogy, and shoot...those are good books, right? The first one kind of had me hanging somewhere between descriptive boredom and a longing to get to the end before hitting me with a very tight conclusion, and now that I'm with Ransom on Venus, I can't put this second installment down. I am also starting to hit up the marriage books, starting with Every Man's Marriage. It's from the Every Man series, and I appreciated the Every Man's Battle book so much. That was a big read for me in terms of defeating that struggle in my life. I started reading this new one on the weekend, well, actually Lauren read it aloud in the car on the 401, and it seems to be pretty sweet. After that I'll be getting into The Mystery of Marriage, which Lauren has highlighted like crazy and seems like another good one too. I also picked up the new Relevant Magazine and it has some very good articles in it that got me thinking. Maybe I'll comment about some of those in the near future. Lauren and I have also watched some good movies recently that have touched my life, most notably Spanglish and Hotel Rwanda. The end of Spanglish was so good and I have wanted to write about it for a couple weeks now. There's this one line given by the Spanish mother that just represents a question that Christ asks us every day of our lives. I loved it. Here is an excellent blog entry regarding this very line in the movie. Check out the flick, as well as this link if you are interested. I also have to give a shout out to Canadian Steve Nash on winning the NBA MVP. Come on, a skinny white boy point guard from BC winning the NBA MVP???? Unreal. That is an accomplishment. One of the most ridiculous things I heard lately was one guy declaring that Nash winning was racially motivated. Are you kidding me? That is just crazy on so many levels. Honestly, why can't you just let the man enjoy his great year without all that crap? Yes, Shaq is dominant and could win it every year, but there is no denying what Nash was able to accomplish this year, and it has nothing to do with race at all. I now have no choice but to cheer for the Suns in the playoffs. They have Nash and I love the way they play. If only their games weren't on at 11 pm. Please keep me in your prayers these days. Things are crazy busy with work, wedding stuff, looking for apartments and a job in the T-dot for next year. It's a very busy time with tons of change and transition going on. Very exciting, but also very important to be keeping my eyes set firmly on the Lord. I hope anyone who reads this is doing good, and I appreciate you taking the time. McLaren, out. oh, and I figured out how to tinker with the linkage on the right some more, it's a bit more diversified now. yes, it seems like i have been listening to that United Cd for months, but it is the only new one I have picked up in so long, and I am waiting patiently for new ones from Coldplay and Switchfoot.

my confession of comparing

2005-05-02T00:34:00.000-04:00

There have been many times in my life when I have struggled with a tendency to compare. Right now, I am at a point in life where the people I have grown up with and gone to school with are moving forward with their lives and really being set apart according to what God has called them to do. Please understand that I am incredibly happy and excited to be where I am in life. I love the job that I have right now with CH and can't wait to become Lauren's husband in just over 3 months...but at the same time, I often catch myself looking around to other's situations and simply compare where I am at with what others have or are doing. It's so easy to do, and not that uncommon I don't think. As long as I can remember, I have compared my outward appearance to others, questioning why I was so small and had acne on my face whereas others were bigger and unblemished. I would wonder why others seemed to get the ladies so easily and I was always left standing alone. (Looking back, I know that God was preparing me for the true gift of Lauren in my life, and I am SO thankful that we both found each other without any previous relationships. I know that this struggles was God's call in my life to seek Him out first above all and have my craving for relationship satisfied first and foremost in Him. It was at that point of realization that Lauren entered my life...but I digress). Presently, I wonder why sometimes things seem to go so well for others when I seem to struggle so bad with certain things. For instance, why did it take me so long to find a job this year while others wink and they are hooked up with work? I look at my co-workers right now and compare how they relate to the fellas at the house in comparison to how I do, or, in the midst of many people I know having just got married or getting married soon, I look at how they are doing things and compare them to the plans Lauren and I have for our big day and beyond. I compare our getting married while Lauren is still in school to the philosophy that others have of waiting until every last course is completed before getting married, and wonder why there is a discrepancy in thought there. Honestly, sometimes it's enough to make your head spin. But this is where God enters in and says to me "Hey Ian, what's all that to you? Follow me." In the midst of all my comparisons, the Lord reminds me that the plans that he has for my life are uniquely mine; that I myself am his unique child. He has created me in his image with a unique purpose in mind, and regardless of what others are doing, I am called to follow him. There is no mistake in terms of who I am, who I have been created to be, what I have experienced in life and the plans that the Lord has for my future. And yet, just as Peter desired to know what it was that John was going to do and see how it stacked up to his own commission from Christ, my mind often wanders away from the calling that God has placed on my life by being bogged down in comparisons with others. Part of it I think is that I create these expectations in my mind of how I think things should go, and when they don't work out according to plan, I wonder why things seem to go so well for others and I have been left out in the cold. What I fail to see is that nothing that happens in my life is outside of the sovereign hand and plan of the Lord, and that no matter what happens, I am called to live a life of joy, not only for what God is doing in and through me, but what he is doing in and through the lives of others. We all have a unique calling, a plan from the Lord that is just for us. We are all created in his image, set apart before the beginning of time to do great works for his kingdom. And no matter what happens around us, what others do or say, the Lord is always there, constantly whispering in our ears "Follow me." I don't ever want to be caught constantly looking around and in so doing miss what God has placed right in front of me. Circumstances of life will always be different for everyone, and we will all struggle and succeed in different things at different times. Everyone will always have their ideas of how things should go, and opinions on what is the best way to do this or that. Ultimately, we have been told that Christ is the way, and nothing really matters apart from that. My desire for myself and my wife-to-be is to answer the call that God has placed on our lives, allowing him to be our guide and lead us wherever he would have us go, that we may be full of his joy knowing that the plans he has for us are indeed for us. "what's all that to you, Ian? follow me."

on being a bearer of God's love

2005-04-27T11:21:00.000-04:00

So yesterday I was watching the Oprah show...let me stop there and confess that yes, from time to time, I do watch the Oprah show. The topic du jour was drug addiction and 'cutting'. For those of you who are not familiar with this term, it basically involves self-mutilation by taking a sharp object and penetrating the skin to the point of bleeding. The particular story that Oprah shared was pretty disturbing, and I was quite surprised that this kind of thing was being seen on TV at 4 in the afternoon. This girl had been the victim of molestation as a child, three times by males and once by her very own grandmother. Her parents were Christians, or they attended church anyways, and decided that the best way to handle the situation was to take her to a few counseling sessions and pray for her, and then all would be put in the past. What came of it though was that the girl felt completely unloved and the pain that she felt inside was manifested in her compulsion to see herself bleed, validating that she was in fact, in some way, still alive. I was struck at one point when this girl and Oprah both affirmed the fact that prayer simply does not fix the problem. I wasn't sure what to do with that statement, myself believing in the power of prayer. But then the girl said something that put it together. She said that through all this, she had learned that one's relationship with God is indeed a personal one. Her parents simply sitting back and praying for her was not enough; she needed the manifestation of God's love to be demonstrated in her life through her parents and people around her, not someone simply saying "I am praying for you." There are countless numbers of people who have deep hurt in their lives, and who need the gift of loving people around them. While we are to have the faith that God works through the power of prayer, it must be accompanied by loving action, affirming the reality that everyone is loved by a God who is eternally present. I think it would make such a difference if we started praying more with people rather than for people...

Open Doors

2005-04-20T18:53:00.000-04:00

One thing that I have really learned this year is that we just never know what might be just around the corner. I have felt at times as though I were like one of Jesus' disciples just after the crucifixion, locked away in a room, lacking courage, afraid to take the next step. They were behind locked doors, John tells us, out of fear. And then, on two occasions, the One who had previously said of himself "I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture" (John 10: 9 NASB) enters the locked room and says to them "Peace be with you." (John 20: 19, 26) He was to them that his resurrection had opened the door to the hope of eternal life and the reality of triumphant living in the present. Just when the disciples were at their lowest point, out of nowhere appears Jesus (did I mention they were behind a locked door???) who puts to rest all of their worries, doubts and fears and who then sends them out full of his power to do his good work, promising that by his spirit, he would always be with them. This is so encouraging to me right now in light of the fact that my future post-August 13th is pretty much uncertain. All I know is that I will be a husband with a wife in school, but we have no apartment yet, I have no job in Toronto, and after that year it's a total crapshoot. (Funny side note: the pastor who is marrying us declared in our first pre-marriage counselling that marriage itself is a crapshoot, but that's a story for a different time...) The reality is that despite the uncertainty, I can be sure of the fact that Jesus is the door and that he will lead us to where he wants us to go, taking care of us along the way. What greater assurance do I need? If anyone reads this between now and around 7pm tomorrow, please pray for safe travels for myself as I make my way down the 401 to the t-dizzle. That would be awesome. Thanks. much love. IAN